Cup of tea with Aisha

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh dear readers. I hope all of you who are muslims, have had or are still having a beautiful Eid al Adha <3 I have been today at home alone.. how else? :D Well, I maybe haven't been fully feeling fine these days, but today my period started so I've had cramps and it has been better to stay at home. My friends invited me with them, so don't worry, this was my own choice. ... If I've been feeling lousy, I have also been a lousy muslim lately.. or that's how I've felt. I could have done things better. But most importantly, I have made my tawba and I try to focus on doing good deeds to get my imaan better again.  It feels good to get answers to small duaas. Maybe the bigger requests will also happen? At least I feel more confident, less anxious, sadaqah came right back, and today I have a nice fried chicken slash ratatouille dinner in the making, in sha Allah. Things could be a lot worse, and I'm happy I reached thi...

Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. :) First, I want to thank everyone who made du'aa, because it really helped! That night I felt suddenly so peaceful and the feeling carried on the next day. And I got an answer to my personal du'a as well. Alhamdulillah! It's so wonderful when the ease comes. I haven't been so anxious also, it's been so much easier these past few days. <3 ... Right now in Finland, people celebrate Juhannus, the Midsummer holiday. As muslims we just wait the Eid al Adha next week, so I haven't been celebrating, but having good time with friends. Yesterday we went to the mosque, park, home, walk.. it was a lovely day. Today I try to clean at home a bit and cook a chicken stew in sha Allah, and see what the rest of the day brings. ... So things seem now brighter. I wrote in my insta post that love is fading.. but maybe it's also renewing. It's something that needs time so.. I will just take as long time as I feel I need. In ...

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.. how are you? I hope you are doing ok. That message I would send to myself right now. And that's how life goes.. we need to be ok and carry on. ... I'm definitely sad and not ok at all but I just have to let this pass. I don't want to write all this negativity, I don't want to complain to my friends, I don't want to stay in this mess. Only I can talk to Allah swt, He knows my heart and mind and soul.. I just wonder why I always find myself alone. Like the cat going viral on tiktok.. meow meow. <3 I have so much blessing in my life. And there's always the ease with the hardship. It just feels so bad to try to let go of someone who was your whole world at some time. And when that wears off.. it's the worst feeling. I feel lowsy.  If I ever ask for du'aas, please pray for me. I will pray for all of you too, in sha Allah. If there's anyone alone right now, feeling lonely, there's two of us. ... I...

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh everyone. How's your weekend going? :) I have a friend visiting me and we are almost done with all the moving and cleaning of the other sister's apartment, alhamdulillah. The days have been hot! Still I need to drink a hot coffee.. inside my apartment is +26,5C.. Alaska is trying his best. ... So I have been trying dating, I have been trying to get back what I had before.. I've been patient, I have had despair, I have also been healing and being a better me. I don't need to run after anybody. Of course I would want to meet my future spouse, I've technically been alone for so long now.. But Allah swt has the best timing. What would be better than God Himself deciding your fate? I have made also duaa, to put my own effort in. It's not so easy to meet new people and find a right one. But I'm just gonna stay patient and wait for it to happen.  I know now that if I marry again, I will be different than before, in sha...

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah everyone :) Today was a nice day, alhamdulillah. I got time to relax in the daytime and in the afternoon I went to take some things with my friend to her new apartment. Tomorrow my other friend will come to visit in sha Allah. It's nice to be busy but I also need some time to cool down. In sha Allah everything will be fine. ... Today also the topic of anxiety rose up in a conversation. Anxiety can be really difficult sometimes. Like you can't go normally to market or eat in a fast food restaurant, for example. I have gotten really bad anxiety lately. It might be because of the new medicine, I don't know yet will it ease after a while. Anxiety makes me feel like I lose touch of myself. It's a blessing to have such friends and close ones who can help to ease the situation or cheer me up. Also time spent alone actually will help me, I need time to charge my batteries and then I'm ready to go again in sha Allah. But yeah, it has been now...

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. How are you doing today?  I was supposed to hit the gym, but while I was walking I was so tired. My body needs rest so I only went to pick up two packages from the mall, came back home, and now I just hang out with my Alaska (fan) and of course you guys.. Have to take it easy now. ... Outside is hot, I sit here in my living room all curtains closed. I'm thinking of making impossible possible again but it is not in my hands.. Allah swt knows best. I just go with the flow now. I took half of the medicine today and I feel more normal, alhamdulillah. My doctor will call also in sha Allah so we can talk about it.. I'm happy they get to call because they have a lot of patients and not so much resources. I really appreciate nurses. Doctors too, but especially nurses. They do so much for us despite all they have to go through at their work. ... So yeah, take it easy and go with the flow. No worries. Not at all.. I want to get rid of this...

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah.. how are you? This time I am really tired, but happy, alhamdulillah. I want to go soon to sleep but I try to stay up until isha prayer and we haven't had even maghrib yet.. I was all day with my friends, I left home 11.30 and came home around 9pm. I decided I won't go to any dates for a while.. too much. ... I started taking a new medicine which is supposed to help me with anxiety, keep me more energetic and also help with weight loss. So far I've been really tired in the evenings, because now I do so much more than usual. But alhamdulillah, it's really good to be out and do things, instead of just laying of the sofa being anxious. It's not a miracle medicine, and some days I'm really anxious to go out, even to market or so. But also more of my days have been a bit easier. I start to accept myself more and I feel genuinely happier. But also I do have this void inside me. I would love to be in a relationship. I would love to have...

 Assalamu aleikum everyone :) It's actually early morning when I'm writing this.. I stayed up all night. Sometimes I do that, I don't plan it but I just maybe need that time for to gather my thoughts and cleanse my heart. Alhamdulillah. I feel now much better again and am ready for today's adventures in sha Allah. ... "Say: "O 'Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves  (by committing evil deeds and sins)!  Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: verily, Allah forgives all sins.  Truly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." I have had so low imaan for a while and I'm still not doing my best. The thing with it is that my mental health issues come in the way. But I know, that the key is practicing more. And do good deeds, even if they are small. It's so important to try to make a difference in this world where kindness is often taken for weakness. Just "choose your battles". Not everyone will appreciate the things you do, but...

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah :) how are you? I went to gym and market, and have been home after that. My friend came for a small dinner and chat. Alhamdulillah. Today I've said many times: what would I do without my friends. Where would I be in life? I'm so lucky to have them. ... I have been going on dates and it hasn't been going very well. Or, I mean, I haven't found any potential yet. And it has clearly been mutual. Nice dates or chats, but something is missing. To be honest, this is so frustrating. Also, I overthink the whole dating thing and take it too seriously I guess.. not seriously in a way but I'm thinking too much of my future and the possibility to.. be left alone. Hmm. Yes, frustrating. Right now I feel like I don't want to talk to any man because it seems to be always a disappointment.  In sha Allah, future will be brighter. ... Of course we all need love. I wish I would find a man who would be my lover and best friend. My brother in islam. S...

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah.. how are you doing? Today I've had an ok day. Not best, but not the worst. I went to buy some art supplies and started two painting projects.. alhamdulillah. I feel kinda lousy but if it is written for me today, so be it. ... I haven't talked a lot about my divorce, and I won't. I got the talaq at Christmas time 2022. The whole year since I left Jamaica was really difficult, it really was a struggle. And breaking up is so painful. I am still in pain, but I can manage and move on, in sha Allah.  When you really think that the other person is your soulmate and the love of your life, it gets so hard to let go. I still would want to text him, every day. And it's not many days since we last talked. But it just makes me more sad so I rather just watch him go.. further and further. I have been also dating now... subhan Allah. The dating scene is not so glamorous for a 34 year old.. Some my friends are looking for a spouse too, so at least we g...