Try again tomorrow

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah :) how's your Saturday?

Today wasn't clearly my day. Every small thing went wrong. Things like going to market without my bag (and bank card and keys). And I cried already one time. My husband is patient person alhamdulillah.. But I also did go to gym in the morning and had a good workout. And managed to go to the market then after all like a normal person. And then I've been home just relaxing, safely at home. Maybe tomorrow is easier in sha Allah.

...

That's how the everyday life is. Can't win always, not even every time as we say here in Finland. But I'm so happy still how everything has turned out. Things are so.. how to say again. Regular? In a good way. We are low income people nicely said, so we don't talk about trips to Malibu or buying a second home, but we can talk about getting a new sofa from the flea market and eat delicious home cooked meals. We have begun to know each other much better and I'm so happy we can laugh together at all kinds of silly things. A person's happiness should come inside, I know, but a great companion helps a lot. I was just today thinking in the morning bus that probably if I were still all alone, I wouldn't bear my life. That's maybe not a fact, but a strong feel. 

Of course I don't know what future brings. Only I can pray we can stay together and ultimately walk together to al Jannah. I still have some hopes though... I ask u, dear reader, to make a little prayer for us that we would have a baby ♡ 

In sha Allah everything happens as it's supposed to. Today I did cry about all this, but alhamdulillah I am so happy too. And one has to take advantage of the happiness too, like our youth and health and wealth etc. To use it well as long as it lasts.

...

I start to also be finally at peace with all the past. I can say confidently that I have lived an interesting life already. My time to retire :) I wanted to be (and briefly I was) an artist and musician, have traveled, have met a lot of interesting people, I have had fun and I've learned to love myself. Now I'm more in a phase where I try to figure out this regular, "normal" life but I guess what comes up to me, it just can't go as planned (:

My next challenge could be to open up to the world. Not wait for it to open it's arms for me but open my own, and embrace the outside world that gives me so much trouble (: And trust more in myself, people understanding me or not. 

Yeah, definitely Spring time coming. A time to renew. Btw, last time when I wrote about Spring time coming, we got a full winter back.. but eventually, in sha Allah it will come. That's the order of things. Need to leave the old to have space for the new. And before that, have to let the past to settle in the heart and that can take time. The outcome is so much better that way, when you really take time to take all the steps. I skipped a few and had to come back to make things straight. But now my path looks clear, alhamdulillah.

...

Yeah, can try again tomorrow in sha Allah. I have some simple plans, not gonna overwhelm myself. 

I hope you're doing good. :)

Later then, 

Aisha