Sunshine again

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh :) jummah mubarak!

I am so glad that I have gotten help when I have needed it, alhamdulillah. I met today a doctor and my nurse was there, and we decided on a good plan how to move forward now. I feel better and in sha Allah I will be doing fine now. We updated my medication a bit, and it will be more convenient.

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My no-buy-rest of the year is not doing good. First I needed to buy some clothes for working out, and then I needed this and that. Well, I will be wearing everything... but I try to keep minimizing my consumption the rest of the year. I can still participate in the 5 piece challenge this year, I have bought 3 new items this far, and the rest is second hand. I was thinking that maybe next year I'll keep the same maximum 5 piece goal, and pair it with a maximum 3 pieces a month second hand. 

Is consumption a problem for me? It depends on who to compare. As a minimalist, yes, I consume too much. As a regular person, well maybe still I buy bit too much clothes. I don't necessarily buy other things, and I hardly go shopping in physical stores. But online shopping.. u know how easy it is.

Just for comparison, I own 28 pieces of clothing. That includes tops, bottoms, abayas, knitwear, autumn/spring and winter coats, excluding accessories, home clothes and underwear. So it's not actually so much. I own also 9 pair of shoes, which includes winter and summer shoes, and sneakers. I used to have a capsule wardrobe, and I remember a time I basically had 3 abayas and that was everything I wore. So there has been a change through some years, and it's not necessarily a bad thing.

I used to be more of a minimalist before. I guess I got excited about the idea, and it aligned with my preferences so well that it was easy to adopt it, and I went with it for a while. But now I'm not so strict with it anymore. Sometimes it's good to have more frames, but the picture is the most important part. Things are not usually so black and white, and I feel better in the grey area. So I'm not sure if I'm a minimalist if I compare to others, maybe I just am a lady who is looking for ways to be more sustainable. I'm happy that I don't shop new items so often, and I also try to sell or donate what I don't need, so it wouldn't end up on the landfill. I am not also immune to mistakes: I have also bought things which don't fit me etc. But yeah, I try to still make good choices, this is one of those many things which are more of a process.

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This has been a bit more difficult week, have to say. But there's nice things coming up, and I am now feeling more confident that my wings will carry me again. The sunshine we've had today hasn't hurt either, it brings just enough light to brighten up the day and bring some optimism.

Age does this, I have noticed now. I'm still young, but there are some signs of the grace that aging gives to a person. Most importantly, I start to accept myself more. I become less opinionated, and more considerate. I choose being discreet more than shoving my ideas to others. I miss the idealism I had, but it has cultivated into peace of mind, and also values and morals. I have my feet on the ground. Still my head in the clouds though. Being 37.. this is a nice age. One of my favorites. Definitely a year of growth, still continuing. I am happy to grow as a person. And I love how no matter what has happened, it comes also easier. I mean, there will be difficult days and times, and kinda the stakes are higher now, but also the shift feels so natural. You'll learn more about your body and your mind, and you automatically want to take better care of yourself. I think more of things like my monthly cycle, my health, relationships, my character. I welcome every season, I have routines for the day, I know how to take a minute and just relax. I would want to be more connected to the nature, and maybe host parties or little coffee gatherings.

I think there's a time in a woman's life where you feel the change of becoming a woman, not anymore being a girl. Not that it's anything less of being young. But it feels good to be a woman. I don't know does it happen to people when they become a mother. For me, it has taken some years, but now I like myself, my changed body, my changed mindset. It's ok to be ordinary, and maybe a bit invisible too. It gives so much freedom. I don't have the need to be somebody, I just am me. 

And I've found so much love! I have a great spouse, I have caring friends, I find people who give the kindness back. This is how it feels when you are just being you, and it is welcomed. Alhamdulillah, it feels good. I've been looking for acceptance a lot, and I only now start to see how it has been there already, in every invitation and phone call.

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I have a new episode to watch, the Tip toe on HBO. I thought first it was a movie, and it turned out to be a series and so different than I thought. But it's catchy, so I want to see what happens next. So I will once again curl up in the sofa corner, and wish a nice evening for you all! Later then,

Aisha