Building motivation

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah dears :) how have you been?

Welcome to my sofa corner. I had a nice day, alhamdulillah. These good days are so needed because so much of my time is occupied by anxiety. Today's program was a work shift, grocery shopping and cooking an easy dinner of French fries and chicken. That's my go-to when I have work and come home later, it is ready quickly and is a nice option for rice. But I cooked so nice food at work, my customer had some AI generated recipes and we decided to make a baked chicken-vegetable-blue cheese oven dish with some potatoes. I'll try to make it at home too in sha Allah. So goes the veganism.. but I'll get into it.

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My toxic trait is that I get so excited about something, and then my motivation doesn't keep up. This is a problem for me, because I need to a) do exercise and b) lose weight and eat healthy and c) do fun, nice things that keep me on good mood. I can't keep up with a workout plan, and I decide to be an artist maybe once a month, depending which menstrual phase I'm in. I wanted to become a vegan, but I have been a murderer with no remorse. And even though I'm human, and flawed, I'd like to be better at the things I want to, well, be better at.

I'm so proud of the latest painting I made, but the time I finished it I thought it will be part of a series, and I'll make many more. Now I just look at the painting and think did I really make it? I still like painting but the enthusiasm just isn't there. I genuinely was thinking to start to paint more and make it a part of my life, but I just made a few marker drawings and that's it. Haven't really even crossed my mind.

Also the workouts, oh my days.. I do want to be a little more consistent as I try now to work on my fertility and get the diet right as well as the workouts. I have set a goal of two days a week, not what it should be but somewhat achievable. Diet has been going ok, mainly I try to quit extra sugar and processed foods (minus the french fries), in sha Allah it will become a new habit. I eat fruits freely and today drank a smoothie when I came home. Small steps, that's easier. But being vegan? I wish I could. But I'll keep on making vegan dishes every now and then, like my favorite food pasta bolognese, easy to make a vegan version (my secret is adding a bit of apple cider vinegar and honey in the sauce). Well... I try, ok? 

I do see that really my monthly cycle plays a big part of the motivation I have. Sometimes I'm ready for everything, and dang I look so beautiful while at it, hehe. Then sometimes the sofa corner is my safe place while I munch on something and scroll away my whole life! Oh the agony. But mainly this just shows that life is ever changing, woman's body is ever changing, and better to just do your best at the time. 

And sometimes there can be seen these results too, ma sha Allah. My anxiety is tackled and I already wait for tomorrow (I'll meet a sister in the morning in sha Allah, and later there's a islamic lecture online), next tomorrow (maintenance guys are coming, so I'll wake up early and leave! To have a cup of coffee before meeting my nurse), and the weekend I will figure out later. I do need days without any plans, but it feels so much easier now to actually do stuff. Anxiety can be so crippling, if it's bad I am not able to leave the house, sometimes for days, so this easier phase is so welcomed. I can only say I'm so grateful to Allah swt for these days ♥

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Part of the new confidence comes also from dressing the way I want. I have quit stressing about my wardrobe and the should I wear an abaya (even though I still thing that wearing one is a win) or can I stick to trousers and so on. It's good to feel beautiful and comfortable in your own skin and the clothes too. I think now more about dressing for the occasion, without too strict outlines. I still wear hijab, I dress modestly and that feels good.

Also what comes to dressing up, I got today the best thing ever: a clothing steamer! I bought it from Vinted, it came from Lithuania so quickly, and it was in a perfect condition. We tried it with hubby and it's working so well! I'm not good at ironing, I can easily admit it, it's always a fight and I don't get good results. But the steamer, yes! It's so easy and fast. I don't have many clothes which need steaming but this definitely makes me wear more of certain items in my wardrobe. It's like I'd gotten new clothes too. 

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I'm a bit early tonight on writing, I hope you find my post. I still have to wash plates, but maybe before that.. yeah, a cup of tea :) peppermint. I'm just so glad of you guys, it feels good to write to you. Otherwise I'd just keep all this in my head. Audience is a part of art, and I wish we could be a community. 

But I guess this was all for today.. I'll enjoy my cup of tea and then check the kitchen, and then relax the rest of the evening. Thnx for reading, and next time again,

Aisha