Friendly thoughts

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah all :) how did your weekend go?

Alhamdulillah. Today I had so good time with my friends. We had some fresh baked apple pie with vanilla sauce, and good talks about everything, just like it is best. :) Then on my way home I went to a nepalese restaurant to get a dinner for myself, and accidentally bumped into one old friend. We haven't seen each other in few years, and so much has happened. In sha Allah we'll meet again soon :)

I came home through a dark forest, called my husband and slipped in the mud with my white sneakers.. when I came home, the first thing my husband did was taking my shoes and washing them. He is so sweet and he really goes an extra mile helping me. Princess treatment is not always fancy dinners and gifts, even thought that's nice too. But it might also be a filled water boiler, found in the kitchen ready when I come home, knowing well that the first thing I always do is make a cup of tea. 

...

I have had very sweet encounters with friends overall now. Even today, so many had sent me messages while I was busy! Hehe, normally I rot on the sofa and am somewhat bored, and no one texts or calls, but let it be the one day I am not available and everyone reaches out :) Alhamdulillah. I'm so happy for the new connections, and also reviving the old, good relationships. It means so much to me, and even though still I do need a lot time by myself, it feels good that there's so many sisters in my life too.

It's just about finding the balance between everything. I had the phase where I climbed on the mountain and took distance from almost everybody, and also the phase where I realized my mistakes and didn't know how to re-friend again. But du'aa of course helps with everything, and I was able to renew the connections, and also meet some new people. And the circles are small, once you met one, you meet her friend too, and so on. And there's still a few sisters I need to text again to plan a meet up in sha Allah. 

Because this summer was good. It was in many ways a healing one, even though the anxiety is there, but it was like the positive shift I needed. I grew, and overcame myself especially socially. I have written a list for myself, and myself only, about all the things I did this summer. On the list there is special things, like two walimas I got to celebrate, both beautiful events with great food, hehe. I also got a Fazer "blue" chocolate bar, two times too, one from hubby and one I bought myself. These type of things, they might be small and silly too, but it's nice to go through that list and see that I lived a little and had fun. 

...

Since I was young, I have easily been an outcast or ostracized from a friend group, and it has made me able to manage on my own. But that's not a good way to live a whole life, and it's very lonely. I'm happy I can trust myself and love myself, but I'm cautious with people. Even today I had the thoughts about my friends not actually liking me. And that's not true. But that's how my mind still works. I'm so used to be used or not liked, that the wounds go deep. 

But the good thing about friends and love is, that when you have them, the lonely times are easily forgotten. Love and friendship heals something we are not able to heal in ourselves, by ourselves. We need other people, our community, our little tribe. My friend group might be a bit shattered, mostly the people don't know each other, some do, and that's ok. I can just be happy that so many have met me and have decided to be in my life. Some maybe more often, and some more occasionally, and that's ok too. I also need my quiet time still, and I need it a lot. Friends will understand. ♥

...

So all in all, this summer was good. Now the autumn is here, with it's yellow leaves in the trees and conifer needles on the sidewalk. A bit cold here, a warm sunshine there, telling us that seasons change but the summer will be back once again. 

We'll talk later again too, now so tired.. until next time,

Aisha