Nice and calm

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah everyone! :) How have you been doing?

I'm alright, alhamdulillah. I haven't wrote now so frequently due to the humanitarian crisis in Palestine. I feel like I should do more and I have been so frustrated to see the news and then not be able to help. Still we need to keep on boycotting and donating etc. I think like many people say, the boycotts will be permanent. In sha Allah.

I am going to my mom's place for holidays. It comes in the best time now, alhamdulillah. I need to charge my batteries.

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I tend to give so much from myself and I wonder do people see what I am doing.. it comes with the frustration. I would want to be able to do so much more. But helping can be so bittersweet sometimes. I do my best and.. I don't always get the love in return. It has been like this for my whole life. It makes me sad but then I get up again. I dunno if I'm just a drama queen.. but everyone needs to receive some love too.

It's been kinda hard, this dating. I talked with one man for a while and it became clear that we are too different that a marriage would work. The way people argue actually tells so much about a person. And, what is with it, that when women want to talk about feelings or the relationship and men get instantly angry and defensive. That's frustrating too.

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But I try to take things easy. I am not the best one but I'm not the worst one either. I try to keep myself safe and I've prayed that Allah swt would keep my heart safe. I will just let now life move on naturally.. and see where it takes me. I'm not giving up but I sometimes try too hard. And lose my calmness in the process.

I still tell myself all the positive affirmations. I know I am good at being me. And like my friend said, another persons opinion of me isn't the opinion what I need to have of myself. And it's an opinion, not necessarily the truth.

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So a little sadness and frustration. Mixed feelings.. but I try to keep my calm.

Thank you for reading,

Aisha