Back to where I belong

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh all :) how have you been doing?

Today was one of those regular days for me. I went to market, did the regular grocery shopping, bought the foods/ingredients we always eat + French fries. Came home, have been entertaining/fighting with our turtle, who has so much energy but zero chill. He is actually giving a lot of trouble because he won't settle down, not even to eat. That's why I'm now sitting on the living room sofa in darkness (except tv), so he can peacefully sleep in the corner under the curtains without disturbance. 

A turtle/tortoise is a nice pet, and I love him so, so don't get me wrong. But I've noticed now that these adjustment periods take time, before he settles in his normal rhythm. He's just been sleeping more than three months in the row, so of course he wants to be out and explore. Also he is very cuddly and wants to come to my lap and on the sofa all the time. He doesn't like to stay in his vivarium at all, not even to eat. So we need to train him, gently but firmly, to adjust to a regular daily rhythm again, in sha Allah. 

And he got some cherry tomato and cucumber for comfort food, and we got today some oven baked chicken and the French fries. 

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Like I've told, I've been in this time of finding my interests again, and re-evaluating things in my life. I have also been praying for guidance since I started this latest journey to the mountain, as I like to call my withdrawal. So far it seems good, I can already see some good changes. I've 

- learned more how to control my anxiety, and live with it

- learned who are really my friends and on my side

- started to come more closer to Allah swt again

What comes to the last, I feel like I'm finding something again that was lost for a while. Truth is, I've had pretty draining years behind me. Now, of course, through support and peaceful living, with my spouse, I have been able to heal from that. And all the inner work I've done has played it's role too. But I guess during those years I also kinda lost my connection to Allah swt. Not fully though, but I had definitely lost that certain kind of feeling of faith and imaan. It took me all this time to actually understand how far I have gone.

This journey's been successful. I'm not sure what this will mean eventually, but I hope I could fall in love with islam again, like I once was. A relationship takes always work, and our most important relationship is the one with our Creator.

It's a challenge. Live a religious life in the world that wants the opposite of you. One has to find the strength to do that, walk the road at the opposite side than others, and it's not easy. It's good to be reminded that when we do what feels right, it carries us further in life than just blending in. 

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Don't worry, dear readers, it's still gonna be me. I've always been like this and I guess I will be, in sha Allah. These are just some thoughts I want to put out there, because maybe there's others too asking questions. I hope you will find answers. It's healthy to question. And also it's healthy to follow your heart. I believe that deep down we all know what we need and what makes us happy. Be honest to yourself. Pause to listen. Act accordingly. 

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Time goes fast, I need to do my evening routines. Thank you for reading, I really appreciate ❣

Next time then,

Aisha