Busy bee

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh dears :) how are u doing?

I have been quite busy the past days. I've met friends and have been well outside my comfort zone. And that has felt good, alhamdulillah. Right now I'm on an easier phase with my anxiety, so I want to do things and enjoy my time as long as it lasts. 

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I have a cup of peppermint tea and some time in my hands. I need time to recover too, so I do value my me-time. We have good routines with hubby, we both get our own time, and we have time to spend it together too. In previous relationships, the dynamics have been more toxic (from my side too), and I have forgotten myself. Now I'm happy about this balance we have, and that things flow naturally in a way that I get my own time too. 

And I just happen to have a bit smaller batteries for social events. It doesn't mean that I don't enjoy company, I do. It means that I get tired a bit earlier than f.e. more extroverted people. So taking time to just do nothing and without any schedule is very crucial for me. That's how I manage and cope with stress - I want to be perfectly free on my free time. I only keep up with prayers.

But yeah, I have been more active lately and that feels good. The longer days and sunshine gives me energy. I am slowly building up my confidence, and that helps with the anxiety too. I have really stepped up, left or right, whatever direction, but I have taken the step and I'm happy in this new surroundings. :)

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There's lessons in good times too. It's about gratefulness and thankfulness, also in our ability to share. Will we become proud, or stay humble? I am used to struggles, so I don't want to take easier times for granted.

And it's all relative. I'm happy right now, alhamdulillah, but as long as people still suffer, the work is not done. There's balance in being aware and also sometimes taking refuge in your own bubble. I met my nurse today and we talked about the good days, and she said it is important to have the good days too, so in the worse days one can remember it's not gonna be like that forever. It's a pause in this chaos. 

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And suddenly, I happen to have these new feelings. Like I want to dance, like I feel light. I smile and come happy of seeing other smiles. I feel good about myself. I love better. I enjoy life and everything in it.

People might not always understand what people with mental illnesses go through. And me too, I can't talk for others than myself, because everyone has their individual situation and obstacles. But I do know that it's not easy, it's a daily struggle. I have to constantly learn things people often learn in their childhood and teenage years. I have had to unlearn behavior patterns and come clean from different addictions. I've never been to therapy really, so mostly I have just been my own therapist and done so much work on myself. I have had different diagnoses, I have been a lot alone, and I have also been in hospital care. It takes a fighter to go through all those things. Mental illness is not for the weak, and should not be treated as a weakness.

But yeah so, there's this whole other side of happiness and carefree living waiting for me to jump in. That is not something that can be practiced. It's something to just feel and let it flow. In sha Allah I'll learn this too.

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It has been nice to chat with you guys once again, thank you for that. :) Now I gotta go to do other things. It doesn't matter are you new or already an familiar friend, you are all my dears. 

Until next time then,

Aisha

P.S. You can follow me on instagram @cupofteawithaisha .. I put there more pictures and also remind of the new blog posts. :)