Do the things that make you happy

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah everyone :) how have you been?

We are on Ramadan 15th/16th, alhamdulillah. Half way. I had a pause in my fasting and today was my first day fasting again. This pause was kinda harsh and I haven't been feeling well. But like in life usually, nothing lasts forever, and this didn't either. I made a lot of du'aa and finally I feel better now. I'll tell you a bit more about it.

I was also at work today and it went good too, alhamdulillah for that. I was very nervous yesterday, but again, made a lot of du'aa and it turned out to be a nice day together with a pleasant person and in sha Allah we will work together more. 

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I think one thing we don't talk much, especially in Ramadan time, is mental health and mental illnesses. I can only speak for myself, but I hope this reaches the right audience in sha Allah. So, I usually do see some more struggle in Ramadan time. I know it's the time when it's only our nafs and us, the devils are chained away. That is the struggle we all go through, when we see what actually comes from ourselves, we can't blame any outside evil. But now observing and fasting my 12th Ramadan, I can say for sure that it makes me struggle more with my mental health than normally. 

I don't know if it's the fasting, maybe, it can be a bit more overwhelming to deal with symptoms like anxiety, stress, guilt, shame, despair and all others. I don't actually think it's the fasting itself. Maybe it's the expectations we have, to have this blessed time when we are perfect believers and we do our best and have a lot of goals, and we might have our family to serve on top of that, or then even be completely alone with all. Personally having period also was a downhill, I had so nice start for the month but quickly I saw my mindset change to very desperate and sad mess. Alhamdulillah I have a spouse who sits with me patiently and explains me how things are. Alhamdulillah for him, ma sha Allah. Not everyone has that, and I do know also the side where you have no one to turn to. But point is, and I think I'm not alone with this: mental health is put to the test in Ramadan.

It's not only sabr and shukr we need. Sometimes it might be a necessary medicine, which will break one's fast. It might be a day we can't do any good deeds, just the bare necessities. But besides patience and gratefulness, it's also Allah swt Himself who reminds us, bringing to us this blessed month, that we need mercy. We need mercy and love and inner peace, and those are all blessings Allah swt tirelessly wants to shower upon us. Call upon Him. Call ar Rahmani ar Raheem, al Wadood, as Salam. Let your silent battle be praised in the heavens. 

Do things that make you happy, that's what my husband advised me. And it's true, I should. And you should too. I dare to say for the both of us, we want to be good people, good muslims. The intention and trying is what matters. And there's times when you need to be your own best friend. Advice yourself like you would advice a dear friend. Support yourself. Use positive affirmations. Have mercy on yourself like Allah swt has mercy on you and all of us.

I can tell you that I had one Ramadan I had 10 fasts to make up. I only was able to fast two thirds, and that was purely to period and then what: mental health issues. That's how it sometimes goes. I have had also a lot of trouble with addiction and fasting in the past. You tell me, I name it. So don't worry. Allah swt knows you, He knows all you are going through because it's part of your divine plan. Your special plan. You're special and planned. So glad tidings to everyone, Allah swt loves you not despite, but because of it all. ♡

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So now I'm looking forward to get back on the fasting train, today was a bit difficult but in sha Allah tomorrow might be better. I also have a free day tomorrow, nothing planned. I hope I am able to catch with my dhikr and Qur'an reading. 

I hope you all are ok. Everything is a mess right now.. let your faith be your light and guidance.

Next time then,

Aisha