Always something
Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh all :) how have u been?
Today was another gray day. Weather changes, that's just normal. I try to keep my mood up even though there's no sunshine promised on the next week. Alhamdulillah. I also need a lot of time now to relax, so I don't really mind the rain.
I cooked, and went to do some grocery shopping after dinner. Got some flavored dates, yum!
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I'm trying now to cut sugar from my diet, it's not easy so no judgement here. I'm trying to find some good alternatives. But it also got me thinking.. why I always have to have that dopamine rush? Do everyone have that tendency or just us (former) addicts? It's like there's always something I need to "get", let it be a dessert or other treat, or at least a cup of tea. It makes everything so much more difficult. And even though time has passed, I do have occasional cravings to all haram things I've left in past. Sigh.. definitely not easy.
But only way to fight an addiction is to keep fighting. Addiction is a terrible, terrible loop, and the rehab takes the rest of one's life. There's no options, have to just keep going forward.
So right now it's a battle with sugar, and also online shopping (Vinted, I love you and can't leave you).. But most of the time I'm winning, so alhamdulillah from that. I don't need that rush. And at least I can make my cups of tea, hehe.
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So yes, I have done some purchases to update my wardrobe. I've come to a point that my clothing size is changing again, some of my clothes don't fit me anymore because I've lost a little weight. Some of them I will give to my mom, and the rest I will donate, in sha Allah. I wear oversized clothes anyways, but they have to feel comfortable. I bought my first brand new piece of clothing this year, haven't received it yet, in sha Allah it will be good. I'm finding my own style again, and am experimenting. But I'm happy with my wardrobe still, it does work and there's not much to change. Maybe if the weather could decide and make up it's mind.. would be easier.
I also blame capitalism for the feeling that nothing is never enough. And then there's the other end, which says I shouldn't be so strict with myself. That I should live a little.
Clothes and me is a never-ending cycle, we love each other and that's my favorite rush anyways. We grow on each other, we make good friends, we are sometimes quiet and sometimes more loud, and we do need each other. As long as we remember that the person inside matters most. I often reach for a dream piece, so maybe it's about time to make those dreams true. :)
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