Emotions

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 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh everyone :) how was your weekend?


I'm sitting in my nest here in sofa corner, chirp chirp (sorry :( ).. apparently my laptop/internet doesn't work well in the kitchen so the nest it is. I have my tea, I have 90 days, I have a peaceful playlist, and time, alhamdulillah. Today has been a nice day, just went to market, cooked, did chores and relaxed a lot. 


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This evening has turned out to be emotional. Sometimes du'aa does that. Powerful. And not that I ask also for myself, even though I wrote last time more about my own perspective and my own gains. I do pray for all of us too. That's what makes the du'aa stronger. 

A good prayer doesn't go to waste. I'm happy I got to have at least this one, alhamdulillah. I have had a bit difficulties with being able to focus well. 

There has also been some personal matters that have been weighing me down. I am generally a happy person, but I fall short in some things too. Everything is good now, alhamdulillah, the matters are sorted out. But there's things for me to think about and also learn to be better at.


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Growing as a person is not necessarily very wholesome. I know it's nice to be healing, being positive and empowered. But there's the other side, which we often don't want to share. The one where we are the one who has wronged others. The one where we need to actively learn, and unlearn negative behaviour models.

What I have found helpful, is being actively more self-conscious in triggering situations, and learning to identify the moments where I would behave in a way I don't want to. And then act in a way I want to. Choosing the better way of dealing things. This is not easy, but it can be done with practicing. It's important also if you want to start to set boundaries, either with new people or the one's who are already in your circle.

It's not nice to have to admit that you've been wrong. But I rather am wrong and learn to not to, than think I'm right and hurt someone else's feelings. It's humbling still, not gonna lie. Maybe I take this more heavier than I should, but this is an emotional evening so let's just let it all flow.


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I need another cup of tea.

I'm not sure if I want to dwell in this.. I just want to be better. And in sha Allah I will be. Process continues.. next time again, right? 


Aisha





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