Get and give, lose but live

Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah :) not long time from last one, but how are u doing?

I have my peppermint green tea, a working laptop, some tunes for writing and 90 days on the background. Me-time. Today I only did laundry, and then I have been taking care of Suttis and his mess (I call him Kakka-Suttis these days.. you can figure that word out quickly :d ). But after all, a good day, alhamdulillah.

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Alhamdulillah is one of my favorite words. It means all praise be to Allah, al hamdu lillah. It is used as a thank you (directed to God), or in times of relief or happiness. And often an "alhamdulillah" is a result of du'aa, a prayer. 

Du'aa is a different prayer than the 5 daily prayers which we call salat. Du'aa is similar to how Christians pray. Basically we join our hands together and ask from Allah anything we want. And not only for ourselves, but to our family and friends, and everyone around the world. There's no limit of what to ask. Nothing is impossible to Allah. But there's certain terms to the answering of the prayer. Firstly, you might get what you ask, even instantly. Secondly, your answer might be delayed, but you will get it later. Thirdly, you won't get what you want in this life, but you get it in the next life, or, you get something better.

I've gotten so much answers to my du'aas. The bigger ones, and the smaller ones. So alhamdulillah. It makes me humble, because I am not at all the best muslim, and still I get beautiful answers to my prayers. I have gotten what I have asked. I've also gotten what I've asked for others.. that's how generous the answers can be. Du'aa has always been one of the closest things to my heart in islam. I need that connection to Allah, and I need His help, no question. And I ask anything and everything, sometimes it's something very small and simple, and sometimes it's bigger than me.

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I have also lost things important to me. Not all answers to my du'aas have been pleasant at the first sight. Sometimes it has lead to a hardship, but the kind of hardship that has eventually been for the best. Or I haven't gotten what I wanted, but have then received something so much better. That's why I keep on believing and asking. And trusting, that Allah swt will give me what's best for me.

Some du'aas take time, and it can be discouraging at times. I'm a human in the end, my faith wavers too. One thing I haven't still gotten, is a child of my own. It's a painful thing, and I have done countless du'aas to be able to conceive, and still not yet had that. Allah swt often tests us with the matters that are the hardest for us. It doesn't mean we should fall into despair and lose hope. If this has taught me something, it's acceptance, and patience in the process. As muslims, we should be grateful for what we have, and understand that what is written for us, will happen. And that's something Allah swt has decided for us, to be our destiny. So we should be content in that. 

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To the lighter subjects: I got treats today, and hey like I said, no judgement here :) I asked, like I often have done, my husband to "bring me something sweet" and he delivered! Ma sha Allah and alhamdulillah for brownie bites, hehe. It's weekend still, so it's not that bad. A few steps back doesn't mean the road is blocked. I will move forward with this, I am still on a mission.

I also did a nice snack. You can do it with just few simple ingredients.. a tuna sandwich. You need

- bread of your choice

- can of tuna

- 0,5 dl mayonnaise

- seasonings of your choice (garlic, herbs, chili, diced pickles..)

* I used pinch of salt, paprika and cayenne pepper

Mix the tuna with mayonnaise, and add seasonings. Spread to a piece of bread (and add cucumber slices, fresh paprika slices etc.), doesn't get easier than this! Tasty and simple. Store the rest in the fridge.

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We need our glimpses of joy. Let it be a good sandwich and dessert, I won't complain. I feel like the eases have come with the hardships, also some hardships with the eases. I do feel better these days, again alhamdulillah, but there's the constant, silent battle with anxiety still going on. I am determined to win this though. Anxiety is tricky because to a certain point, everyone has it. Not all the time, not in a way that it controls your life, but everyone do experience it at some point. So there's not an option to fully overcome it, only to learn to live with it. But I have been able to be more confident, and I find myself thinking about all kinds of adventures and trips. I have gotten courage, that's the right word. With hardship comes ease.. I know this might sound so silly, like why to be so afraid, and you are right. This is not a reasonable matter at all. It's complex and often overthought, that's why it gets easily so bad 'cause you have so many different scenarios in your head. But yeah, there are glimpses of joy and hope that take care of the balance. Some people really battle with anxiety for years, like I have. So the healing takes time too.

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Still it's all about the alhamdulillah :) I rather live this little life of obstacles of mine than give up. And I hope you do too ♡ this was actually a lot more than I had in mind, so thanks for reading all the way, and see u next time in sha Allah! 

Later then,

Aisha