Artistry

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh all :) how are u doing?

I'm drinking some ice tea while waiting my hibiscus tea to brew. A lady can't have too much tea! Despite living in this overflowing abundance of it, I can't really give you much anything interesting though.. I had an appointment with my nurse that went well, I went to do grocery shopping, then regular chores, and went to pick my new (used) sandals and bag. But it has been a good day, and I feel inspired.

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I used to dream of a life as an artist when I was younger. There was one year I just spent painting and making songs. I really enjoyed it all, even though my life was very chaotic otherwise. But let's not go into the chaos, at least in this post. Let's focus on the artist part. I still enjoy painting, I don't know if I'm good at it or not, but I just love it. I love the colors and paints, mixing, letting the picture reveal itself. I paint very similarly than I write, kinda just getting on the mood and good flow and then letting it out and find it's path while making. My latest paintings from last year are both pictures of imaginary flowers, and I'd like to explore that more.

I want to connect with my creative side again. I talked a bit about it with my nurse, referring to a conversation I had with my husband last night. I stress a lot about not working, so I kinda don't let myself do anything "unproductive". I know it sounds strange, but I don't do it in a conscious way, but how it looks like is that I don't do anything other than doom scroll and miss out all the fun while feeling guilty of not having a steady job. The nurse (and my husband) were so helpful, supporting me to do the things I like. And also work every once a while (it's very hard to get shifts anyway as a backup assistant so there's not too much of them available). But what comes to the guilt, my nurse reminded me that I have a severe illness, and I'm on pension for reason. We had a good talk about being high functional and still an overwhelmed underachiever.

The conversation last night was really helpful too. I feel like a door that was locked, has clicked open and given an accepting creak while opening this new place for me. Do I fit in? That will be for time to tell. I'm still looking for my place in the world and this seems like a promising route.

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Creativity is so sweet because everyone has that. No, no, before you say that you can't draw, or you sing like a horse hehe, let me stop you there. Everyone is creative in their own special way. The problem is that f.e. the social media and society shows us only certain type of acceptance, what is "artistic" and art, and what is not. Like the saying goes, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and it's true! Before you get fans and followers, you have to be steadfast and believe in your own thing. Your belief in yourself has to be unswerving. I've fought a lot with the thought of being bad in the things I do, because it has been hard to find people who believe in me. No! It starts from you, and one must hype themselves as long as they believe they're on the right path. I know for example, that my paintings would easily be rubbish in someone's opinion, but I love them, and that matters so much more. There shouldn't be room for questioning in this case. Do what you like and you love, and make something fun! And also sad, angry, and meaningful. This is a big lesson I've learned, and I don't diminish myself anymore, at least what comes to art. I say proudly, I made this, and it's beautiful and interesting. The days when everything starts to look the same, we have lost all the beautiful things art is. You have the potential in you, you only need to let it live :)

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Is it too much if I still make one cup? It's so nice to sip tea and chat. And I'm in the kitchen already. (So one cup still is fine)..

Yeah, well, I am tired now to talk about myself. Can't talk about someone else though either, hehe, so maybe it's time for me to curl up in the sofa corner and see if there's 90 days going on tv.

Thank you so much for reading, you make my days. And try something creative! Draw, paint, write, sculpt, sing, play, anything :) let me know in the comments what's your favorite way to create.

Until next time,

Aisha