Give you the whole wide world

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah :) do you have plans for the weekend?

I have had some troubles recently, more and less personal matters.. last time I wrote some of it. But today I had still a nice day. It was Helsinki Day, and there was lot of events all around the city. I met a sister and her toddler, and went for a walk around the Töölö bay. Got some coffee on our way, and we enjoyed the walk even though the weather was a bit cloudy and cool today. Alhamdulillah. I took a metro home and stopped by a Nepalese restaurant, I treated us with some take away to dodge grocery shopping and cooking today. Tomorrow in sha Allah it's jollof rice day, which is my nemesis but also a dish become dear, it's still a trial and error case but in sha Allah I will keep on practicing. 

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I have been thinking about all of this going around, same topics, same scenarios. I mean, my life is easy at the moment, alhamdulillah. I have just jammed into these same thought patterns, same situations. Past is already past and I should move forward, like really, and not just try but do it. I was wondering so much how that happens, and I guess sometimes you just have to do it. And become it. Confidence happens by being confident, practicing it and putting the practice in action. Same as all this else. It's really about forgetting the validation, just doing what feels right without waiting for a permit. 

So I take the step now. And here I am, no more, no less. I don't have to care about old patterns in anything. I can take my space. 

I read this from somewhere, that a person who gets upset for you keeping boundaries, has benefited of you not having the boundaries. And even though this is not so much about people, it can be a metaphor: if the house you live gets too small for you, don't shrink and hurt yourself but rather get a new house. Like a hermit crab. As a part of a natural circle of life.

I have been on this mountain for long time now, or that's how it feels, and more I climb the lonelier I get. But I have also made better friends with myself, and my relationship with my spouse has deepened. When you lose something, you also might win something too. I love a lot, but these past few years I have lost many friendships. It hurts, I'm not made of stone. But it has also helped me to pour my energy to the right cups. Love and care, and our energy, how unconditional it may be, is not a renewable source of energy just like that. We all need to charge our batteries, and take a good look in where we are pouring. 

Of course sometimes things and relationships serve a certain amount of time in our lives, and it's meant to be like that. Not everyone stays, for different reasons, and thats normal. There's time for everything, and loss is a part of life too. I don't wish bad for people, but keeping distance can be actually relieving.

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I need to think about this. Give some space and time to it, and see how it will be shaped. Mainly I just wanted to tell after last post that everything is fine, alhamdulillah, and feelings are like this, they come and go. In sha Allah next time we have something new to chat. But I'm happy you have been with my on this journey from A to B through T, S, V, and so on. You're V.I.P., don't forget that, hehe :) I'll keep tackling this Q, W, E, R, T, Y, and lead it to new stories and new vibes. A chapter has ended, and the pages need to be written! 

So thnx for reading, next time then,

Aisha