Chili nuts and some Earl Grey

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh all :) how's your week been?

Last time I wrote on Monday. Since then, I've been making moves. Not big, but good. I got a book from library which I loved, read it already in two days. Got my painting canvas too, and today hubby brought me a big tube of white acrylic paint. I already started, and in sha Allah I will dedicate this weekend for the painting and other nice activities. I did today my most frequent activity: grocery shopping. We have some simple dinners ahead, and I hope I will be able to execute my plans.

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Plans.. well, I had plans about what I'm gonna write, but I forgot them. Just totally slipped off my mind. 

Also we talked about some plans with hubby. It started about decorating the house, then about not decorating the house, then about moving, then about moving to another city, maybe another country.. Summer is good time for dreaming and planning. Actually every time is good for a little daydreaming, but I know that when it starts to get darker and rainier, managing through days takes more energy and I rather dream real dreams by sleeping. But maybe, we will have time to do everything. I always pray nowadays that we all would have our dreams come true, if it's good for us. 

So only I could plan a few cups of tea and a bowl of chili nuts, in these few minutes I had while finding my laptop from the cupboard (btw I tried translating "laatikosto" and I got "box revenge", not exactly the right translation..) and taking a spot for it on the kitchen table. My husband and ninja turtle are napping, and it shows in the house: even here in the kitchen, the window blinds are closed. Tv is closed, only balcony door is open reminding the sleepy and wake ones that the day still continues.

Sometimes we have plans, and they fail. But, truly, the days continue still, and so do we in the end. It matters though, how we continue. By fighting against the change, or become paralyzed, or take it as a chance for a new path.

I had plans for myself, and this time more realistic. About how I'm gonna change my life and build new routines. Keep the no-buy-rest of the year. Start going to the gym again.

But actually, even though all those plans are still shaping in my mind, I have gotten a bigger plan. Two years ago I stopped working, and started to put effort in my own well being. Maybe you remember, it was that time I used to go to the physiotherapy, and what else.. I have to go and read those posts back then. Anyways! That phase lasted about a year and a half, until I started to feel like extra money would be needed, and I started working again in the start of this year. Alhamdulillah, it has been good, but I think now is a good time to plan the coming year ahead. 

I want to still keep working, but less, just gigs here and there. I want to still challenge my spending habits what comes to clothes, and only buy if it's a real need. I'm not sure about the gym, but I want to start going for walks when the evenings start to get a little chilly.

But mostly, I want to dedicate my time for myself again. I don't know how could I explain how easily I get stressed, and it takes up so much energy. I want to take it easy and again, do the things I like. I am not like everyone else, meaning I don't have the capacity anymore what a regular life requires, like working from 9-5 and so on. I can manage very well when I organize my life to serve my own needs.

So in sha Allah, I will take now time for painting and reading, and loving. Myself and hubby, strangers and the ones I know. I want to find a sun inside me to carry until the rays are worn out. And then, I'll make new plans again.

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Oh how the chili burns. Not the best paired with hot tea but I made my choices, hehe. 

The evening is nice and sunny. I think I want to go and enjoy a bit of it to the balcony, before I need to wash the plates. Have a good night!

Aisha