On the low

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh :) how are u today?

I try to keep myself occupied, because I stress my work shift I have tomorrow. In sha Allah it will go well, this is just my regular things, getting stressed. So far I have tried all my autumn and winter coats, put some items for sale on Vinted, ate a tortilla, chat about football w/ hubby.. and you know the drill, now it's time for some tea 🍵

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I'm always on my quest of finding ways to renew things in my life I'm not 100% happy with. Job is one thing.. some of you might remember that I am working as a personal assistant, or a caretaker, I'm not sure of the exact translation. Basically I help people with their daily lives, with everything it might contain, like for example cooking, cleaning, doing small tasks and running errands, going together with the customer to doctor's appointments, hobbies and so on. And I do like my job! Especially now when I'm doing only gigs.  I can work very freely and it has a lot of benefits.

But then sometimes I think I could do.. more. Or just something else. Helping people is so important and I like to do that. But after working for 9 years helping, I feel strongly that I would like to do something for myself for change. 

What that could mean, well, I haven't figured that out yet. I have no education, because when I was supposed to study, I was already struggling with my mental health and was addicted to smoking weed, and I didn't have any ambition to do anything because I didn't even want to live. Well, sad story short, I am doing fine now alhamdulillah, but I am not still sure could I study. So I'm a bit stuck with this.

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I even tried to get ads on my blog page, I have avoided it, but this was the second time I've tried it. Well, good news for u dears, and my blog's readability, my blog didn't get accepted. The reason was "low value content". Like what? I read more about it, and low value content basically means you do your posts with AI, or your posts are too short, or you don't add enough personal opinions and views.. these type of things. Well.. again... well... this might not be the most informative blog, I can give that, but not enough personality?

I know my blog is not everyone's cup of tea. It's just me writing my thoughts and about daily living, and like all of our lives are, it's sometimes interesting and sometimes not. But this is a story, a diary of a stranger, a stranger who's on your side.. and I don't know how more authentic I could be.

Yes, this went in my feelings, and yes, I don't really feel good about this.

But I guess this is like my yesterday's workout was. Low impact workout. Nothing drastic, we're not gonna sweat liters and gallons, we are just gonna move our bodies and feel good afterwards. Because that's what we're here for. Doom scrolling for what? For something real. Something that catches our interest. But not for too long time too, we don't want anything overwhelming also, right? I think the nice thing in my blog is that you can read just the newest post, or dive in and spend some time binge reading. You will learn about me, maybe about life, maybe I can give peer support, maybe it's just for fun. But it's not overpowering. It's like talking to the weird looking, but cute lady in the corner who seems shy but can talk about turtles to thrifting, and has opinions but is also kind enough to hear about your life events lately.

I haven't done much in life, but I have written! Oh my days if I just wouldn't have deleted the original, earlier blog. I'd have reading for days.. everything has a reason though. That was the time when I wanted, again, to renew my life, by letting go of the old. I had many songs and lyrics, all kinds of documents and .mp3:s, but I deleted the most too. I had painted, a lot, and gave them all to an artist friend of that time who agreeably painted all over my original art. Oh my gosh.

Lot of the deleting process was fueled by the idea that I didn't feel supported. I didn't have people around me who would have believed in me and pushed me to arrange gigs or an art exhibition. So I felt I wasn't just good enough. Oh my gosh.

Now I have grown, and I think differently. I'm not so impulsive, and I believe in myself more. I understand more about popularity, and what it takes, and what it won't give back. And I don't want to be popular really. I think it's so interesting to see that for example, in China 1 person has read my blog this week! One person, in a country so populated and large as China is! Isn't that an achievement, hehe. Or I have the regulars, as I see, mostly from US, Singapore and Hong Kong, coming always back, from these countries I don't know anybody from, but who know me. Or that my mom tells me she reads my blog every time. 

I'm not good, not extraordinary, not on a pedestal. I'm here in my (dark) kitchen, sipping tea and writing from my heart and maybe with a bit of wit. I admit, I might romantizise my life a bit, I might write a beautiful word instead a regular one. But it's always me. And if you stay, we click. :)

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Well, anyways. I'm waiting for a painting canvas to arrive, I bought a 80x80cm one, and I have some plans for it. Mainly I just want to get started. I just like so much mixing the colors and the whole process. 

I was also happy to make a little room in my wardrobe today. Not for anything new, but just sell/give away the pieces that don't really work for me but could look good on someone else. I feel like I have more to wear now, hehe, this is how the minimalism works. I unlocked a midi dress I haven't used in maybe a year. I liked it so much I will probably wear it to work tomorrow.

Yeah, the work.. this was so good distraction! I want to do my job well, that's why I stress. But now, I try to take it easy, and see if our ninja turtle is ready to go to sleep after roaming in the balcony. Have a lovely evening,

Aisha