Becoming braver

Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh all :) how are u doing?

Welcome to the living room! I have my spot here in the sofa corner, some peppermint tea (how else) and few raspberry-liquorice biscuits. I'll put an incense burning and come back soon in sha Allah.

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These last themes I've been having, personal growth and minimalism, past and future plans, have become more real than earlier. I find myself in the middle of all these things and it's actually good. My life has been very stable for long time, so I guess it's time to adventure a little. It has been stressful, but I start to get excited what the future could possibly bring.

In the spirit of minimalism, I've been putting my clothes on sale on Vinted (my account there is aishaelina). I have cleaned up some clutter from cupboards, and I will still continue. We don't need a sandwich grill anyway. Having less feels much better. 

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The incense has a lovely scent. Also a bit burned, that's how they are I guess. This raspberry-liquorice combo brings me to childhood, there was this popsicle same flavor and it was the best!

And now we are in August, alhamdulillah. My favorite month. Still summer but we're moving to the fall. I decided to go for a walk in the forest. It has been so long time since last time. It was so green and luscious, like the summer would have been here for ages.. but there was a few leaves on the ground already reminding that the seasons change, that's how the biscuit crumbles.

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Also next week starts the Copenhagen fashion week. I love to see the street style pics, and think how I could update my own style. But same time I have gone further away from it, by just dressing "regularly". I am a person who naturally draws attention. It has been always like that, and sometime I notice it more, sometimes less. I don't know if it's the way I walk, the way I look, I'm a muslim, the way I dress, and so on. I have heard before that I have this aura that's special. Oh, and once a Hare Krishna monk said I am scary, oh my days.. When I was younger, I used to dress however felt right every day. Often it was something that could be described as alternative or hippie. Then years a bit forward, I started to buy clothes from the regular shops instead of flea markets, and I kinda lost my own style. Sometimes you just wanna belong. Then I reverted to islam and was an abaya girl for almost a decade. Now I'm finding my style again, and starting to find it. It's still a lot about minimalism, yes, in my wardrobe too, and also comfortable.

Most days, I just choose something "not too loud", and this is what I'd like to change in me. I don't want to be apologetic in the way I dress. I might be a bit bigger now, and not always happy about how I look, but that needs to change. I want to look like myself again and be experimental and creative with outfits. In my dream world everyone would love layering, textures, oversized silhouettes, colors and neutrals mixed, patterns, all that. I don't feel so comfortable standing out, so this is a bit of a dilemma now. To take some risks or just play it safe? 

And it's same in life too, isn't it? I think I'm a considerate risk taker, meaning that I ponder it a while, but then take the risk if it's worth it. Even though I'm this anxious ball of lint, living in the sofa corner, I want to still live my life instead of just watching when others do it. I just need some time to adjust, and then I'm ready for the movie. Of course not knowing the outcome beforehand is a bit stressful, it is always. But I think the greatest memories I have are a result of me just believing in my intuition and following my heart. So many happy memories, and most of all: I have been able to live them. This lint ball! Sometimes I laugh about this, like I'm scared to go to the market but the next day I fly to the Caribbean, all by myself. Well, I probably won't go there anymore, but now I know for sure that I can do things, I can make it happen. 

But I wish I was bolder and braver. I want to still experience travelling and maybe even living in another country. I want to go to the CPHFW, just as someone who passes by the scene, hehe. I want to volunteer at the animal shelter. And so many other things, even write a book. And I know all these are achievable if I just put my time and effort in it. Some of these things we can do together with my hubby, and that's so nice, but also I think it's important to have some adventures by myself too. My own little pathways.

That's why I went to the walk today too. I didn't want to, I was feeling again like an alien. But I will go out of my comfort zone. It might look like a very small step, but it's good to have these every day experiences that everything will turn out fine and I'll enjoy, no matter how it feels before. 

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Lots of battling with mental health, that's how it looks. Overcoming the overwhelming. A slight pressure can be a force of moving forward too. Just have to look from a positive perspective. And maybe inside me is living an adventurous soul who wants to come out of her hibernation. 

And there will be changes, it's inevitable. In sha Allah. I'll tell you more when it's time for that. :)

Now starts to be the time to dive into a movie, or is there 90 days going on tv..? My last cup of tea is brewing, and I'll make myself comfortable on the sofa. Thank you for reading dears, 

Aisha