Clear mind

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah all :) how's your week started?

Alhamdulillah. I'm doing better and finding another piece of me which has been somewhat lost for a while. Today I was all day at home, but in sha Allah one of my friends is coming to visit me tomorrow, I really look forward to it because I actually haven't met my friends in the past few weeks. I needed some time alone and doing my own things.

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Yeah. I don't remember now all what I have written since Spring, but I did have a long time I didn't really practice islam well. It's ironic that I was looking that time, back to the times I thought I'm a lousy muslim but in reality I was being a good muslim after all.

But this Spring was one of my lowest times of a long time. Somehow the jahiliyah (old life, old ways, ignorance as a believer) keeps calling me still after 9,5 years and I fell into the trap. Not at all my proudest moments. I was just being in a bad company, won't say more about it but alhamdulillah I am back with my friends, supportive people, and more on the right track. It's true, can go astray, even if you think that will never happen to you. Always have to be humble.

But alhamdulillah, now I have found again the joy of prayer, I feel I can focus easily, I am happy to be a muslim again. ♡ I'm not there yet where I wish to be, but I try. That's one of the reasons why I am still up at 1 a.m. I do struggle with waking up for fajr so I must stay awake until it's time. I put alarm every night, but I will easily just sleep without hearing the alarm so this is my solution at the moment. When the autumn will proceed, in sha Allah I am able to go to sleep after isha, and then wake up to pray when fajr will be around 4 a.m. and so on.

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Religion is not a hobby, and islam particularly is a very comprehensive one, it's more of a whole way of life. But for me, making it kinda a hobby too works. I mean things like learning new surah's by writing the transliteration to a notebook and taking time to memorize it, keeping a gratitude journal, watching lectures, starting morning with watching Mecca of Medina live making adhkaar.. like applying these activities in my daily life. Again, islam is not a hobby, but maybe you get what I mean. Practicing sounds a bit serious, it's not bad expression to use of course, but I think islam is in my life something that makes me happy so it's nice to keep the practicing also fun. Like a hobby. But in a good, productive way.

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On Yaqeen Institute, on the front page, there's a nice quiz you can take :) It's about defining your practicing, which areas you could improve. It was quite accurate and gave me some new ideas to think about, and also some positive feedback that at least I'm doing something well, alhamdulillah. Try it :)

Another really good page is Abu Amina Elias, where you can find ahadeeth and also some articles. Good read, you can easily spend hour(s) by reading them all in sha Allah.

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Yeah, kinda tired already but I try to keep awake. It's always nice to chat with you, dear readers. Remember, you all are very welcome and I'm happy to have you :)

I don't wanna fall down anymore. I asked, those 9,5 years ago, for Allah swt to save me and He did, alhamdulillah. So why would I voluntarily put myself again in that position where I wanted to be saved from in the first place. Have to make du'aa always that Allah swt will turn our hearts to Him.

I think I will maybe watch some lectures still, or just take it easy and relax my brain. Thank you for reading and until next time,

Aisha

P.S. So sorry I can't share any pictures.. For some reason Blogger don't give me that chance lol. Need to contact my tech support I guess. But I will update my insta, if you don't follow me yet you can @cupofteawithaisha :) Good night ✨