Easier

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah everyone :) how's your weekend?

Alhamdulillah. Today I just went to market and cooked some tex mex. I feel better again and alhamdulillah most of the anxiety is gone. This is a regular pattern but I am happy to have now tools to deal with it, thanks to the group I attended. That group finished and boxing continues, maybe I will have some individual meetings with the physiotherapist or start in another group in sha Allah. 

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Only I feel like I have gone further from Allah swt. I maybe have had before more intense connection. I have always this feeling that when I am happy, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this happiness? I'm so used to struggle that easier times are still a bit strange for me. And I also think too much. And am alone too much ':) The rest of the year looks promising though, alhamdulillah.

But I need to fix my relationship with Allah swt. I have to find a way to stay connected better. I think of Him and I do make du'aas, but what comes to practicing, I feel like I'm doing the bare minimum and that's not how I want it to be. It's time to be grateful and obedient.

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I used to do some gratitude journaling. Maybe I could add a gratitude journal in the end of my blog every time, so it would be a regular habit. It could be something like this..

I'm grateful of..

... my turtle.

That comes first in my mind, now that I miss him so much :) He's been sleeping for a month now and I miss the sound of him walking around the house. And his little cute face, and him eating and being happy guy. He might still sleep for couple of months, so have to be patient. But he brings a lot of joy to me. :)

... my friends.

Sometimes it feels that I only cross paths with people for a limited time, but I'm happy for them who have stayed. I still wish to meet sisters who are my age and maybe in a similar life situation, but I am so happy to have my big sisters to share my life with. :)

... someone to care.

Yes, there is someone :) I don't want to share so much about him but I am happy for company who makes me feel safe and equal. 

... being me.

Yeah, it's not so bad after all.. I sometimes have the feeling that I just can't keep living my life. But all life has unmeasurable value. And I am happy with myself now. I hope I will get experiences in future of feeling accepted.

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Yeah.. Sundays are nice. I still want to remind you and myself too, that even though it's good to be happy and content, we need to keep remembering those who are having real hardships like war, occupation and famine. As our brothers and sisters worldwide are having. I personally can't do much more than pray, but if you have it in you to take bigger steps to help others, never hesitate. 

I hope your weekend has been productive, or you have been able to rest. I love you guys :) Take care.

Aisha