No more coffee

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh :) how are u doing?

These last couple days I've had so ridiculously many small incidents to bother me that it only can be evil eye. It's little things.. like for example I always know that someone's looking me in the wrong way when I cross a busy road or walk my way and my abaya starts to tie up against my legs and I almost stumble, that's one I'm sure of. Mostly it's minor setbacks. This week, I wrote to my blog how happy I am for the week, planning to go to a group and fast and all that. And when I went to the group, I was almost too late, turtle pooped on the floor at the minute I was about to leave.. then had an argument with my husband, or it wasn't an argument but some kind of cry that didn't stop. And couldn't fast today, my mind just wasn't right for that. So this is the price I pay, because I share a lot what's going on with my life. I just remind myself first, and all of us, to just be happy for each other. And say bismillah and ma sha Allah, maybe throw in a barak Allahu feeki too. :) Not that I'm blaming any of you, I'm sorry if you felt like that, just sayin' that evil eye can affect us easily if we are not careful with it.

But anyways, I got to go to the gym this morning, staying on track. I have lost few kilos, maybe because I just had my period. But it is progress anyway. Did celebrate it also with baking cookies so.. this might take a while. (:

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I'm writing at the kitchen table, thinking of the future. In sha Allah. Changes I have made feel good. I quit drinking coffee, and I miss it only occasionally. I try to drink less tea too. Next step is maybe changing it to solely green tea. One step at a time. So instead of having now a steaming cup of vanilla tea, I have a vitamin drink and those dangerous cookies I made earlier.. :)

Having more healthy habits feels good but it's not always easy. If you have lived your life without any addictions, alhamdulillah! You have saved yourself from an unnecessary torment and you haven't missed anything by saying no in the right place and time. Recovering from addiction is a long, never-ending road. You just have to decide every day that you have quitted and that you make now better choices.

And sisters (and brothers) who still suffer with it, in sha Allah better times are ahead. Remember that you have to take the first step and then everything follows. You need to make a firm decision to quit, no matter what it takes. If you relapse, don't worry about it, just make tawba and get back on the track again. Allah swt will forgive you every time you ask sincerely for forgiveness. Forgive yourself too. And don't pay mind to what people might say. Addiction is one of those things people hardly understand if they haven't gone through it themselves. 

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Yeah. Healing from the past.. fighting for a better future. Sometimes when I look back, I only see a series of failures, but also, what a progress have I made! But I will only achieve true happiness if I don't compare myself to anyone. I have had to admit it that I'm never gonna be 'normal'. I'll always be a little weird, emotional and hot tempered, spiritual being finding my way in this ocean of something I still can't quite figure out.  

So why try being something I am not, in this ripe age of 36. I will just have my own goals to pursue. And in the end I just wish that Allah swt is pleased with me. How to achieve it, well, just by doing our duties as a muslim and perfect the simplicities. Of course there is still things I want to experience and have in my life, but in the end everything is in the hands of Allah. ♡🤲

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It's getting a bit late, or again, not late but my bedtime alhamdulillah. So thank you for reading, and check your friends too. We need to take good care of each other in this crazy world.

Next time then,

Aisha