Good night

 Assalamu aleikum everyone :)

It's actually early morning when I'm writing this.. I stayed up all night. Sometimes I do that, I don't plan it but I just maybe need that time for to gather my thoughts and cleanse my heart. Alhamdulillah. I feel now much better again and am ready for today's adventures in sha Allah.

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"Say: "O 'Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves 

(by committing evil deeds and sins)! 

Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: verily, Allah forgives all sins. 

Truly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

I have had so low imaan for a while and I'm still not doing my best. The thing with it is that my mental health issues come in the way. But I know, that the key is practicing more. And do good deeds, even if they are small. It's so important to try to make a difference in this world where kindness is often taken for weakness. Just "choose your battles". Not everyone will appreciate the things you do, but the right ones will.

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Good deeds in islam is a very broad concept. A good deed can be something directly related to the core of islam: prayers, reading Qur'an, making dhikr.. but as islam is more of a way of life than 'only' a religion, the good deeds can be so much more. Charitable deeds. Giving from what you have. A smile, holding door for someone, helping your family and friends. Sharing a meal. Feeding animals. Making someone who's sad, happy again. 

I wrote a message this night, saying: "But I want you to feel that someone cares and you are not alone". And I cried when I read it, again and again. I would love to have that message sent to me. It was for someone special, and for everyone. I know how it feels to be lonely and feeling unloved. It's how my inner child so often feels. I was always different, in a soul level, and before islam I never really felt like belonging anywhere. I wouldn't want anyone to feel like that, it's one of the worst feels. Loneliness will eat a person inside, little by little it takes bites of the light inside your heart.

But one way to cherish the light we have, is to give. And expect nothing in return. People will forget, eventually. But right time, right place, it can save someone. I know it might feel difficult to give when you feel like there's nothing to give. But it is Allah's promise, that everything you give to others, will not make you poor. Not financially or otherwise. 

The Prophet Muhammed (saws) is reported to have said: "Charity does not decrease wealth." (Muslim)

It will always come back one way or another.

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So.. I have been sad. My life is very easy right now, alhamdulillah, and I have everything what I need. I need to find some tawakkul, trust in Allah. I do trust in Him, but really I want to put my life in His hands. And same time, do my best again. There will be times where faith will be the reason to keep going. And alhamdulillah for that, it's not something to take granted for.

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Remember to do good. Good deeds should be our 'business card' as muslims. I remember the first interactions with muslims years ago, and what caught my heart was the manners, and a warm welcome to islam. I will always remember it. I also remember the support I have had when I have been sick and not able to take care of myself. The help of members of the ummah and also my friends. And even if it makes me sad, I remember the love I had chance to have in my life, so dear to me. 

Don't ever take good deeds for granted. They might be taken away from you, or you forget yourself into this dunya. 

But in any case, it's just a small step. Greet, smile. Offer to help. And welcome the help. I promise it will make you feel so much better. Then if you feel like you've given all you have, take time for yourself and give the help and care for yourself. And in sha Allah, one day when you really need help in your life, you will get it. 

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It's a beautiful sunshine outside, it will be a warm, summer day today in sha Allah. I have plans to go to a little nature trip with my sweet friend in sha Allah and I'm really looking forward to it. This night cleansed my heart, and I hope the day will cleanse my mind too.

Have a nice day!

- Aisha