Cup of tea with Aisha

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah everyone :) how are u doing? I woke up with my husband and didn't get any sleep after he left so I did what I do best (?): I went through all my clothes and now I have one plastic bag full of donations. In sha Allah, I will soon start to get ready to go to a local flea market to bring those and maybe make some finds too. ... I am happy, alhamdulillah. Still in the pothole for various reasons but I am ok. I have time in my mind for inspiration, that is new. I have painting ideas.. This all is a bit new for me. Easygoing life and no anxiety.. What is this madness :( But my religious life hasn't followed, at least yet. I struggle with really low man and I feel like I need time to get myself back on the straight path. I am so much in this life I forget to think about the afterlife. ... It's a calm morning. Looks like it has rained at night. I am sitting on our bed with my laptop and Suttis is wandering around. Laundry is almost ready, and I'

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah all :) it's weekend! Today I just was at work and then came home, we talked a bit with my husband which cleared all my worries, alhamdulillah, and then he went out with his friends and now I'm only lonely here at home. But alhamdulillah.  ... I've come to a point where my social anxiety levels are low, and I very much can function in my normal daily life without it being a bigger struggle. So alhamdulillah again. Just the thing is that now when I wanna step out and go places, my social life can't follow.. :D If you're used to stay home every evening every time, there's a possibility that a) people don't ask you to come because you used to cancel always, or b) you don't have that social life! Oh my days.. I need action :D I love my friends though, even today we have at least talked in phone and gonna meet one sister tomorrow so..  I just feel like I want to live my life and have fun. My life is so different now. Not perfec

 Assalamu aleikum dear readers :) how are you doing today? I have had a productive day so far, alhamdulillah. Well, basically I have been cleaning the home, fixing everything that has been waiting for a while. I went to market too. Suttis, the tortoise, was so interested me hoovering that he walked right next to the glass and stretched his neck and watched. He didn't help though.. :( I feel alright but I'm still in this hole where I try to fill it and it is never enough. Sometimes I'm so happy and sometimes I want a different life. I think I am being so ungrateful.. or I'm not ungrateful but too carefree. Looking for the middle road.. ... When you get into the ripe age of 35, I've found it's hard to love again. I love my husband, don't get me wrong. But I see myself stepping back a bit. It's hard to give 100% trust.. We hear too little success stories and we all know all the horror stories people tell about their marriages. For me the worst is cheating a

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah all :) how's your week started? Day off.. My husband encouraged me to go for a walk so I went. It was good. :D These obligatory mental health walks..  I saw a swan couple and one lonely one. Bird cherry trees blooming, the scent was so beautiful. It was good to have some forest time, alhamdulillah. ... I'm feeling better about everything now than last week. I have a little bottle of Zamzam water and I've been saving it for a good occasion, and repentance would be best. I've went astray and  tawba is what I must do now, in sha Allah. I want to be a good muslim but I wonder how it's so hard for me to achieve.  ... So yes, here we are now, at home hanging out with Suttis the tortoise and things feel light. Alhamdulillah. Soon I make a cup of tea in sha Allah and wait for guidance I've been praying.. thank you all for reading. Aisha

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah everyone :) how are u doing? I had a day off today, so I just cleaned home and went to market. I didn't even need a jacket, so beautiful weather.. Alhamdulillah for everything. ... I have been living in dangerous waters lately, mostly in my head though. I don't know do other reverts struggle with the old life calling. I was an addict and I will always be. It's not a trait to feed, not at all. But why the jahiliyah  is coming to me like my destiny?  I know I can do better. It's definitely not easy. My faith has wavered and I am thinking where to go with it. One old friend is leaving islam and it somehow affects me too. I start to question - even though I already have all the answers. But I will stay being a muslim, in sha Allah. Just a phase I guess. There has been a lot of phases in these 9 years so this may pass too. ... I started using Vinted app. Right now it works in Finland, Sweden and Lithuania, if I'm remembering right. There&

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah dears :) how are you doing? Sorry I haven't posted so actively. But I will! In sha Allah.. I have had some personal issues to deal with and it's not completely over yet. I'm ok so it's nothing to worry about. We have had beautiful weather for days now, alhamdulillah. Summer is really knocking on the door ♡ It strangely feels like summer is coming for the first time ever.  ... I still have spent a lot time at home. I need to get more work soon in sha Allah so I have more to do and I get a better salary. Life eats all money.. I've been trying the whole day to write something. Now just.. so much things going on. I get back to you later dears. Have a good weekend ♡ Aisha