Sleep well

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 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah.. how are you?


This time I am really tired, but happy, alhamdulillah. I want to go soon to sleep but I try to stay up until isha prayer and we haven't had even maghrib yet.. I was all day with my friends, I left home 11.30 and came home around 9pm.

I decided I won't go to any dates for a while.. too much.


...


I started taking a new medicine which is supposed to help me with anxiety, keep me more energetic and also help with weight loss. So far I've been really tired in the evenings, because now I do so much more than usual. But alhamdulillah, it's really good to be out and do things, instead of just laying of the sofa being anxious. It's not a miracle medicine, and some days I'm really anxious to go out, even to market or so. But also more of my days have been a bit easier. I start to accept myself more and I feel genuinely happier.


But also I do have this void inside me. I would love to be in a relationship. I would love to have my previous relationship back. Sometimes life is what it is and we can't have full control. Control might be wrong word, I don't like to control or be controlled.. of course a person must have life skills to keep things together, home clean etc. But I mean, life takes turns and it is all in the hands of Allah swt. Maybe my time will also come. Loneliness is clearly one of my personal struggles which stays with me my whole life.


...


There's places and time for love. I think I need to get my head straight and become more serene with my life and this situation. I need peace of mind. I tend to be too hasty, and rushing doesn't make anything better or me reach my goals any faster.. I actually wanna just be. And keep going on with my precious days. I want to have fun, I want to spend time outside, I want to be happy. 

I want to move to a different area. And get a cat. 


...


In sha Allah. I do feel alright and, I already start to feel that maybe despite the struggle, everything will be alright one day. 


I hope you all are fine and well. Take good care of your lovely self. <3



- Aisha

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