Discreetings

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 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah :) 


Here in Helsinki is rainy. Feels already like autumn, but there's still summer left in sha Allah. I went to gym, and then to market to buy healthy snacks for today. Because it's weekend, there has to be snacks? I can't be the only one 😇 aunt joke, sorry :( (:


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And yes, I have been only by myself, I haven't gone on any dates now. It feels actually relieving. I don't live only for to have a man.. like, of course I would love to have a good relationship and children, but I start to be alright with the option that it might not happen to me. It's kinda sad, but it doesn't really have to be. I'm just tired to think that my value would be only measured due to a man. I am doing just fine by myself, alhamdulillah.

Like my friend said to me, it's better to enjoy this time as a single woman, until I will end up in a relationship. And it feels good. I am free to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I have my lonely moments, but it gets easier through time.

I still dream about marriage and children, I haven't buried that thought. But only Allah swt knows, when it will happen and whom it may be. So that's why I don't stress about it anymore. The Best of planners got it covered.


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But living alone at age of 34, soon 35, is not something that society would be fully accepting. I was supposed to have the regular, education, engagement, marriage, career, kids, house... but to be honest, I just have always felt it's not for me. There's nothing bad in it, to live a regular, maybe middle class life, and alhamdulillah if you have that. For me, life has been more about surviving with mental health issues, and only now I start to be in a point where my life is in order and balanced. 

If I would have kids in my twenties.. would I still have them? Or what kind of father they would have.. Allah has wisdom behind his Qadr, and I think it has been better for me that my life has gone as it has.

And it's not like it's ended, I have still life to live in sha Allah, and time for new experiences and meeting new people.

And what also has been relieving, is that people really are more subtle in their questions. I still do get the "do you have children", which always gives that sting in my heart, but "no unfortunately" doesn't spark up more questions, alhamdulillah. I understand those are important questions and people with children love to talk about them, but I'm happy of the discreet reactions because it's not an easy issue, and like I said, it stings to have to answer no.

Allah knows best... and I have to do my best while waiting.


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So today has been rainy. A good day to munch at home and watch tv. I was thinking to get Netflix so I can watch more movies.. :)

I hope you have a nice Saturday! 



Yum :)



- Aisha


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