A bit of everything

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh :) How's your week going?

I'm alright, alhamdulillah. I feel happy and I feel like my life is in a good order. Of course when I say this now, something will happen.. maybe I'm gonna meet someone who will rock my world.. or something. Anyways, I feel good, went today to gym and I got a new jacket and a home dress. Laundry is washed, dishes are still waiting. I watch Netflix and chat with you guys. :)

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I have had a problem with my hair being very dry. The natural shampoo I am using is otherwise good, and does have oils in it, but it doesn't really help that much with the dryness. But I found a perfect conditioner! I'm sorry it's probably available only in Finland, so sorry about that. But if you see this conditioner, you need to try it! It's a Finnish brand, Herbina, not certified natural cosmetics but close enough. I buy this from Tokmanni.

I also use my regular face oil mix for my hair sometimes. Not after every wash, but you know, after those, hair wash shave exfoliate hot water showers.. There was a time I used shea butter and I might try it again in the wintertime. Right now the oil is fine. The mix I use is almond oil with essential oils like orange, lavender and rosemary. I do have to study a bit more the oils, because some of them will penetrate the hair and some do stay more on the surface of each hair. Almond oil generally is good for skin and scalp, it has lots of vitamin E and it is a light, easily absorbent oil, and it's also very affordable. You can find it for example in halal shops, I order mine from Limepop because they sell organic almond oil.

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It's been so nice, alhamdulillah, to live more stress free. I am somewhat an organized person, and I like my self care routines. I include going to gym and walks in self care too. I just want to love myself fully, and so far it has reduced my anxiety a lot. 

It's not simple, to just say that love yourself and you'll be happier. It has taken some time and the inner work. For me, it was being more forgiving to myself and others. To find that love inside and put it into action. I want to feel happy about myself. I don't want to always concentrate on my flaws and issues. I want to be more, feel more, live more. Be as I am, and accept myself and others the way they are. Like I said, it's not so simple, but one needs to actively remind herself/himself that they are a wonderful person with great qualities.

One affirmation I also say often to myself, is that "I have the right to be here", like the rest of people. Wherever it may be, I have the right to exist in different spaces and I don't need to be ashamed of myself, or how I look. I don't want to hide myself. 

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I have a mental illness, there's no way getting out of it. I have it, and I will have it the rest of my life. I had a really good talk with one of my best friends, and we talked about accepting the illness. It's true that it has affected really negatively in my life, especially when I was young. When kids my age were studying, starting maybe families, building their life, I was still so broken and unfinished in every way. And I didn't want to accept the fact that I need medicine. It took me a long time. I tried to stay fine without the medicine, and well, it didn't work. It didn't work the first time and it didn't work the last time. Now I am dedicated to take my medicine, and my live is so much more peaceful and well-organized. I don't have mood swings or too much of impulsive behavior. I'm happy when my life is 'boring', just normal, healthy living.

But I haven't yet found a good way to be open about my illness in dating. I've told something about it, depending on the other person. But I can't yet say it out loud, the diagnose and stuff.. but in sha Allah, if the right person will come my way, he will accept me as I am. 

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Alhamdulillah for everything. Thank you for reading, and feel free to leave a comment below.. and have a good night :)

- Aisha