A wish and a sadness

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah dears :) how was your weekend?

Today I relaxed all day, I was only looking after Suttis who is super energetic and gets bored easily which means trouble. I also cooked jollof rice once again and boy, I don't get it right still. Have to just keep practicing.

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I almost forgot to write today, I only now realized it's Sunday evening and I haven't written on the whole weekend! Nothing special has really happened after last time, just regular things and days. Just today I have this little sadness that lingers every time I.. well, now I get teary. Every time I think how hard it is to conceive.

I know everything comes from Allah, and trust me, I have been praying. But it just hasn't happened yet. I feel like my life is happy but just the kids are missing from it. I would want to do my absolute best as a mum. And many have said to me I would be a good one. I know my husband would be a good dad. But I guess it's not just our time just yet.

But nevertheless, having a child is a miracle, it is. It's something not to take for granted, and I hope no one does. And then again, anything can happen. I've witnessed so many different destinies in my friend circle past years, it's definitely not simple even if you have the sweetest and loveliest kids. 💔

Only Allah knows what is best for us, and when is the right time for everything. But it breaks my heart to fear that maybe my time never comes. It just makes me sad. Can't do nothing about it and same time I'm doing all that I can. 

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I didn't even notice that I was sitting here in the dark kitchen. Better make some tea.

Oh well. I wanna say it's not that deep, but this matter is. I do want to be hopeful, and not overthink it. 

And that's how this dunya is. No one can escape it. Everyone will be tested with something, and sometimes the strongest get the hardest fights. It wouldn't be a test if it would be easy. 

And still I am happy, alhamdulillah. Hardships don't have to exclude one's happiness. Sometimes you have to sit with your thoughts awhile and then let it go. And be grateful despite everything. I dunno, I guess we all have our coping mechanisms and what we hold onto.. I like to think everything through so I can have some peace of mind and keep my heart open for another day. 

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Peanut butter. It helps a bit. ♥

Oh, something is new, now I remembered. We got new curtains, ma sha Allah. They were actually better quality than I thought. So we do get some pics after all. The living room is still a project, but these curtains give a good frame to the room. :)

(see, we get a little smile)

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Now it's time for evening routines and a little tv time together with hubby. Thank you for reading and later then,

Aisha