Evening

 Assalamu aleikum 😊❤ how are you, dears?

I posted on instagram (@cupofteawithaisha) day before yesterday, that I'm still here and all is fine, alhamdulillah. And it's true. By the mercy and will of Allah (swt) I have been able to gain a little more confidence in what I'm doing, alhamdulillah.

Past few days especially have been good. Some moments might feel more difficult and giving up is lurking around the corner, but all in all I feel things might take now a better turn, in sha Allah. And I understood something that makes it easier to face obstackles on my, or our way.

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Now I firmly believe that hardships can be blessings in disguise. As muslims, we are supposed to thank and praise Allah subhaana wa ta'ala during good and the bad times, and there's a blessing in that too. But personally I often have to go through certain lessons, that I can really feel the true meanings of the words that I might've heard many times. In one very famous ayah from Qur'an, in surah ash-Sharh, Allah (swt) tells us: "Fa inna ma'al usri yusra", "So, surely with hardship comes ease". And it's then repeated: "Inna ma'al usri yusra", "Surely, with (that) hardship comes (more) ease" (Dr. Mustafa Khattab, the Clear Quran /english translation).

My hardships here have been light, to be honest. Very much just settling in, and settling with the thought of staying longer, in sha Allah. Marriage also takes time to find it's current, and there is so many things we need to work upon.. some material ones, some between us. But it's been overwhelming, and once again I have been in a spot where I've had to find my space and start over, and haven't yet known exactly how. Due to my husband's work schedule, I have been pretty much on my own most of the time, which has brought more pressure on me.

I don't also want to name every difficulty individually, because that is not the point at all.. but what is the point, lies in those two ayaat I mentioned.

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It's obvious I am not a scholar, and I don't want to say anything that is wrong or distorts the message of Allah (swt). These are my own thoughts and reflections, and I share them with a good intention. I just love to see the wisdom of the Qur'an to come visible to me in my daily life. And I also like that Qur'an can be comforting in different times, and different ways, depending on the situation.

I'm not also even close to be a real mu'min, I'm just trying my best which might not be much at times. But I've always believed so much in the power of duaa, and that Allah (swt) listens a sincere call. 

I made a lot of duaa. I was falling to despair 'cos I felt my shortcomings never ended. Regular things seemed so challenging, and I wondered why I just can't be happy. And that ayah, "inna ma'al usri yusra" came to my mind. I thought and thought about it, maybe I could find a way from it, how to move on.

But I didn't. "With hardship.. it's with hardship.. what I am not seeing?", I thought. And I just tried still. Tried patience, gratitude, prayer.. The beautiful basics. So I was on the edge of giving up for good, but I didn't. I reminded myself that it's one of Shaytaan's tricks. 

I started to read more. The book I read sparingly, "The secrets of Divine Love", written by A. Helwa. Read more Qur'an. Listened some lectures (sometimes my youtube searches contain my problem + Mufti Menk and there's always a video of it, ma sha Allah 😃). I also started to write gratitude journal, and wrote pages of regular journal too. And then came one day when I thought how happy I am, how I could really feel it. And all the things I struggled with had become easier. Everything was the same, so the problems didn't go away. But they just weren't really problems anymore. They turned into rain clouds.. So simply and naturally, alhamdulillah.

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So now I try to look difficulties differently. Allah (swt) knows how to ease our affairs in the very best way. And I want to look through the problems, and find that hidden blessing in them.

It might be calming myself instead of getting provoked. And it might go further from that too. Maybe I learn to respond with a sincere kindness? In sha Allah.

It might be finding humour and new levels of love after facing a dead end, ending up to a new way of communicating.

It might be learning patience, and more patience, and still a little more patience.

I want to look life with curiosity. 

- Aisha