Secrets kept

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah everyone..

.. how have you been?

I had to come back to Finland. Alhamdulillah, still. My visa run out and also, my mental health went down the hill like a ball of snow so it's much better to be 'at home'. 

I'm staying at my friend's, and got an update in medication too. I'm feeling better every day and my feet have landed on the ground ☺👀❤

...

I've written a poem, read my dear book (the one I save for special occasions and in need on beautifying of iman), exercised. Found a new favourite Qur'an reciter (Tariq Mohammed), turned myself closer to the track. Forgiving myself the mistakes I've made. Taken some distance too, from some things that have happened.

Missed my husband. So much I can't even think about..

...

Trust in Allah. Tawakkul. That has been my guideline, and I guess I have to admit I went straight to the bush when I started to forget to keep that in mind. Every day. Constantly.

It's too easy to step astray. One step, a leg, a road, a highway. 

Taqwa, tawakkul. Sabr, shukr. Tawheed, iman.

I read from that book something soothing. That we are not worshipping islam, we only worship Allah (swt). A summary that felt so simple and profound. To me, Allah (swt) is like the rock to lean on, and to Whom everything echoes. The Center of existence. To Whom I want to return day by day, and after every mistake. 

A reminder to myself - to return after every blessing too.

...

So it feels good to be back, but I don't know where my home is. Is it here? With my husband? 

Is there any place to just be?

Next time,

Aisha