Writer's luck

 Assalamu aleikum dears ☺❤

I was chatting with my friend about blogs and vlogs, and I posted in insta. About how I am not blogging right now. But here I am. And to my surprise, I had been posting not so long ago. I had completely forgotten. 

From last summer, my life has been a rush. Now everything looks like settling down - I was even in hospital for few weeks in February. After that I lived in a temporary apartment, and alhamdulillah then found a place which I can call home.

...

Showing up, to write blog or meeting people has been my main point for a while. I struggle socially so much.. I feel often so lowsy what comes to making new friends. It gives me anxiety even though I do love meeting people. I'm an introvert, that maybe explains.. but I try to show up. 

This has also a twist. When I was younger, I was a lot more confident. I didn't care at all what people thought of me, and I probably was stepping out of the background much more than nowadays. But when I fell sick for the first times, my relationship towards the outside world and society changed drastically. That time I was also in a very toxic relationship. Maybe if you have had one, you know what I'm talking about. Twist.

So now, me at 33 years is a bit of a question to myself. Where to go from this? No kids, husband far away, no work.. and who I even am again? I'm gonna tell honestly, I was suicidal.

...

 

But Allah swt knows best. I moved into this home day before Ramadan came with it's blessings. It wasn't an easy one for sure, but it gave me a test of patience, alhamdulillah. Patience and being merciful to myself. 

 

And I feel I got saved from so much that could have happened. Alhamdulillah, that's what I can say. 

 

...

 

 Bits and pieces.. the saying goes, "When life gives you lemons..", but what about when it's all zest? 

 

Maybe I'll sprinkle it on top of everything.

 

 

- Aisha