Hollow

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah 🍂 how are you?

I am ok, and same time I'm not. I have iddah now and this is the hardest thing.

...

One part of me is moving on. I have a whole world out there waiting for me, and it feels good. I wanna open up again, and let the sunshine in. Let the autumn breeze give me chills, and let the rain wash all the dirt away. I am like a leaf, turning to different colour.

But I also feel, like a leaf. Falling down and slowly rot and become soil again. I am not lucky in love. And when I finally found it, it was just too difficult in the end to work. I'm not the only one here having hard time, and I'm torn apart for not being able to help.

Marriage needs to be cherished. We didn't have that chance to live together. So for me, hold on to your loved ones. And never let them go.

...

So I have just tried to live my life, accepting what it is. If I give up, it will be a catastrophe where I'm suicidal and hopeless. I don't want to do that, also for the sake of my friends and family. I've given my pain to Allah swt. I just keep floating and time will tell where I end up. Because there is nothing more I could do.

I have good things coming up too, in sha Allah. It's not the end I guess.. just a trying time.

I will still love my husband, but maybe in time the love will change. And maybe, I learn to love myself better once again.

Have a good weekend!

- Aisha