No worries

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. How are you doing today? 


I was supposed to hit the gym, but while I was walking I was so tired. My body needs rest so I only went to pick up two packages from the mall, came back home, and now I just hang out with my Alaska (fan) and of course you guys.. Have to take it easy now.


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Outside is hot, I sit here in my living room all curtains closed. I'm thinking of making impossible possible again but it is not in my hands.. Allah swt knows best. I just go with the flow now.


I took half of the medicine today and I feel more normal, alhamdulillah. My doctor will call also in sha Allah so we can talk about it.. I'm happy they get to call because they have a lot of patients and not so much resources. I really appreciate nurses. Doctors too, but especially nurses. They do so much for us despite all they have to go through at their work.


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So yeah, take it easy and go with the flow. No worries. Not at all.. I want to get rid of this anxiety. I want to have the full trust in Allah. I want to believe and in the end, everything will be fine. And I also want to accept myself and become, not a better version, but a 'more me'. I don't want to hold back, I want to be myself. The anxiety has been a prison for me for years.. it's not welcome anymore, if it ever was.

Of course it's not a thing to just decide. But I believe I have to put in all the work to get rid of it instead of letting it trouble me years ahead. I am sick and tired of being not able to live my life fully just because I feel so weak around new places and people. I have the same right to exist than everyone else.


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There's ways to ease anxiety. For some, it might help to tingle your senses.. like cold water, hot shower, salmiakki candy/taste, smelling a good perfume, a round stone in your hand. But also it's important to just go to the situations and expose yourself to everything that gives you anxiety. In the summertime I love to wear sunglasses because it gives some kind of anonymity. And if possible, not overthink so much. If I need to go somewhere, I try to go quickly so I won't stay too long at home thinking all what if's.


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It will be alright. <3







Thank you for reading,


Aisha

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