Be
Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah :) How are you doing?
My week has started easy. I have been very tired lately, don't know if it's the medicine I'm on or then low vitamin D levels (lol), or what else.. I try to stay active and also take time to rest. I did clean my home today so at least I did something productive. And now of course, I sit down with you. Better to make the last cup of tea of today..
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I'm doing fine, alhamdulillah. Please, no evil eye, I am still recovering for the last one :'D I feel less anxious and more and more time passes since my divorce, I am healing and getting better, alhamdulillah. I do still feel for him.. not love like being in love, but of course we were together for several years so the feelings don't vanish so quickly. We sort of keep in touch but it's kinda complicated. I don't want to talk about it more but I guess we still both wish some reaction from the other one, just our needs differ.. but like I said, my healing is going on well, alhamdulillah again, and maybe when time passes more it will get easier to fully let go.
Break up's can be horrible. This was more of.. killing me softly -like situation. But the worst is behind now.
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For some days ago I prayed to be closer to Allah again like I once was. Now again, all evil eye, bad mind people, relax and take a deep breath and think of happy thoughts :D don't try to mess this. But yeah so, I made this du'aa to be closer to Him. And I see a beautiful difference. It's not a drastic change but like I see always the answers to my du'aas, somehow very naturally, I have shifted to be more God-conscious. During the day, I make more du'aa, I pray my prayers, I feel more calm and have more inner peace.
I thought I was going astray because I am a bad person and a bad muslim. I thought I just don't have it in me, what I thought I was supposed to "have". But that wasn't the case at all. I mean, I might still be a 'bad muslim' and surely I have done mistakes and there's a lot to improve.. But Allah swt loves me and all of you the way we are already. I think about the famous verse of Qur'an, "Kun faya kun" (F.e. 2:117). Allah creates us, and He says, "Be! And it is/becomes". We are already how he intended us to be. Our job here is to try to be better versions of ourselves, while we worship and serve Allah.
We are already how He intended us to be.
It's equally important that Allah has given us Qur'an as a guide, and Muhammad saws as a prophet, to help us navigate in this world the best way we can. But we already have it in us, we just need to find the spark.
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They say a human is psychological, physical and social body. I'd like to add spiritual there as well. We have our mind, body and soul and all of those needs to be in balance for us to feel good and attain happiness. I learned now how a simple change, a small shift in mindset, can bring so much peace and hope for the future. Alhamdulillah. It's beautiful to be a muslim.
So now, I will continue to ponder about these new shifts and meanings over a cup of stress-healing tea I got from my friend. It's good that I didn't give up, even if I almost did. And it was the best thing that my friends helped me to stay afloat when I was sinking.. so again alhamdulillah for that. <3 I don't even now what to say. There is really goodness in every situation.
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