Faith

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah all :) How's your weekend?

I didn't have work this week at all. I've been really tired and I haven't been able to go so much to gym or walks, just one time each this week, and in sha Allah I try to do both tomorrow. But still I can say alhamdulillah, and I am happy. How?

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I recently got a question about my faith. One reader asked me, how come my faith is still strong, and I have had a lot of hard times. How come I haven't left my faith?

First of all, I was really happy about this question. If you have comments, questions or any kind of feedback, you can always leave a comment or contact me @cupofteawithaisha at Instagram. 

But yes, it was a really good question and I thought I will write more about it to give a more comprehensive answer.

So how my faith is still so strong?

I want to start by saying that it's not, at least not all the time. I make mistakes and sins, and I rather see myself as a striving muslim but not mu'min or any kind of, higher lever believer. I'm still learning and internalizing islam and Qur'an.

But the second thing is, I have personally chosen this religion. Islam was a stranger in my life until I started to interest about it, around 2013. I didn't know nothing about islam, maybe just women wearing headscarf and pilgrimage to Mekka. I talked with some of my friend's friends, and I met a muslim man, and the thought of becoming a muslim started to be on my mind. I read about it, and studied a bit by myself. The muslims I knew, weren't so practicing, but their manners impressed me. They were fair in a way other's weren't. Minus my ex.. I'm not gonna talk about it but being with him was one of my mistakes..

Well anyways, I started to see that islam is the right way and best way to live, and I needed the structure it provided, into my life. And I'm on that road ever since. I try to learn and I try to practice better, I try to go to mosque at least sometimes, I try to read Qur'an daily, keep my prayers, fasts, keep my auuthu billaah's and bismillah's.. 

So no one has made me to do this, to revert to islam. It was my own choice. So I feel I need to stand behind my decision, even during though times. And I really believe. That's the key. I love Allah swt and His Messengers, all of them. I can see the answers to my prayers, so I know God is there. I can see the perfection of nature, I see God's work in His creation.

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One other thing also is the matter of ego. Or we can call it nafs. But, the ego will keep us closer to dunya and farther from the deen. As a person, I try to be my authentic self, honest, sincere, real. I try to be who I am, without the need of putting myself on a pedestal. I know people often see me too sensitive or weak, because they don't understand the strength it takes to be vulnerable.

I don't want to wear any mask. I want to be who I really am, I want to be good person, I want to help others, I want to love.

But also I have healthy boundaries and I will protect them. Before I've just let people think what they want, but now I've started to point out my boundaries, so they know what they did, instead of me just fading away. Because everyone deserves to be respected, including me. I don't have to try to save other's faces.

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And, even more importantly, there is patience. Now, patience isn't easy, it takes a lot of work and practice. I'm patient in some issues, and some issues not. But I try to hold my tongue and also trust in Allah's swt plan. More I focus on my prayers, more I will have taqwa and tawakkul, I get more inner peace and I can stay more patient.

I am divorced. I don't have kids. I don't have even a potential spouse nowhere nearby. I don't have the things in life I want the most. But I know Allah swt doesn't create us to only suffer, Allah swt loves us and He has a plan for each and every one of us.

If I don't get something, maybe Allah swt is saving me from it. So I say always alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah the date went bad, maybe that man would have been abusive. Alhamdulillah, I have all the freedom in world, I can do whatever I wish. Alhamdulillah, Allah swt is making me to make these duaas, so He could answer them.

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I hope you are having a lovely day. I have food in oven and I finally have Netflix so.. that's gonna be my day :D

I love you all and I appreciate so much for you reading :)

Aisha