She step out

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 Assalamu aleikum dear readers :) how are you doing today?


I have had a productive day so far, alhamdulillah. Well, basically I have been cleaning the home, fixing everything that has been waiting for a while. I went to market too. Suttis, the tortoise, was so interested me hoovering that he walked right next to the glass and stretched his neck and watched. He didn't help though.. :(


I feel alright but I'm still in this hole where I try to fill it and it is never enough. Sometimes I'm so happy and sometimes I want a different life. I think I am being so ungrateful.. or I'm not ungrateful but too carefree. Looking for the middle road..


...


When you get into the ripe age of 35, I've found it's hard to love again. I love my husband, don't get me wrong. But I see myself stepping back a bit. It's hard to give 100% trust.. We hear too little success stories and we all know all the horror stories people tell about their marriages. For me the worst is cheating and then the female friends. Sometimes I feel that.. u know, go get that girl if that's what you want. I don't want to be just the good muslim wife who accepts everything and who stays at home and cooks and cleans.. I'm not a maid. Not that my husband treats me as one.. but I feel I'm worth less now than when I was on my own.

It's not that bad but it affects me. And it affects to the way I love.. I guard myself a lot and maybe I have a feel that this is temporary. 

And just because of the female friends.. also I then think I should have male friends to chat too..? Not a good base for a marriage.

So that's why I am in the pothole.


...


Well, now you now better what's going on. I know, it could be much worse and alhamdulillah everything is otherwise alright. I just focus on my own life and find my ways to cope.


I hope you are doing better.


...


Then off topic: dry hair. My hair is long and I struggle with dryness on the ends. I remembered my old trick, and that's shea butter! :) I recommend you to try if you have same problem. So after you've washed your hair, dried it in towel, warm up a piece of butter between your hands and apply for the lengths. It shouldn't look oily when dry, only healthy and shiny in sha Allah. This trick has saved me from cutting my hair. Any other oil I've tried haven't worked this well. And shea butter is also the best lip balm and works for rough skin too.


...


Best thing to do now is have a cup of tea and relax a bit. In sha Allah everything will work out just fine. Rather than worrying, I put my trust in the Qadr of Allah swt and accept it. And enjoy the summer too. :)


Have a nice week dears!


Aisha

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