100%

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh dears :) how have u been?

Laptop, charged. Phone, charged. Time to sit down with you and have some tea. :)

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The heat wave has slowed down everything, including rational thinking, but here we are now, in August. Schools are starting next week, some still have their summer holiday, but we all are getting slowly back to normal routine unlike birds who start to plan their move to warmer places, never letting go of summer.

I just started getting comfortable with this summer weather, as things take time with me, but I also welcome autumn as well. I'm still waiting on the process of entrance exams to the school I applied to. It takes time, and the studying would start on November in sha Allah, so I have to wait still. First they will send us some questionnaire, which leads to interviews, if you're lucky. And from the interviews they choose the new students. So it's very unsure yet.

I have also gotten comfortable of my free time this year, I mean starting from last July to now. I quit my job, and took time to take care of myself. Found a new love too, the one I will cherish from present to future, and who cherishes me, alhamdulillah. I quit my bad habits I got back into, turned them to some good new ones. Healed myself, and welcomed the help that was offered to me. Put my anxiety on a leash, rather than it controlling me. Moved to a more spacious apartment in a nice area. Started to work out again, and dream. Painted and moulded, created. Spent time with our precious but feisty ninja turtle.

Year is a lot of time, and summer is long. I'm on a disability pension due to my illness, so I am not expected to work, just expected to manage with very small income from month to month. And I'm fine with it, lucky to have it, not everyone has that chance, alhamdulillah. But I do still want to do something with my life. I don't want this to be the "happily ever after" just yet, I want it to be a "happily now and forever" one. That's why my hopes are now up for the school, it would open up a new path with plenty of opportunities. But if I don't make it, I will figure out something else. 

And there's already plans and things going on.. Everything, especially the good things, take time, that's just how it is. It's important to give 100% of you for yourself and your life, family, friends, hobbies, passions.. Remember we are not meant to bow to anyone else than Allah swt. Nothing is more important than the things in life we value. Others can wait. Personally, I've realized I can give the 100% if I have a reason. A reason to fight for. 

And giving 100% means giving all you can. It might look less some days, some days almost nothing, and sometimes you feel the full energy. I just mean we should live our lives fully, note to myself too. So many days of my life I have spent alone home, crying and sad. Not this past year though, but still. It's not easy to live with mental health conditions, they will always put sticks and stones on your way, every day. And days pass so quickly.. it would be a shame to just let life go on without you.

So we try our best.

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I hope you have had a good summer. If not, that's ok too. Not all summers are, and then sometimes we do have that best summer ever. Time to look at the future, what it brings. Thank you for reading, until next time,

Aisha