Some of it and some of that

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah dears :) how have you been?

I'm sorry I forgot to write earlier this week.. I thought I wrote on Monday so I just stayed in that thought and didn't check. Well, Wednesday I went to take my medicine so I have been just extra tired since. I haven't worked out, haven't also stuck in my diet, but that's how it goes sometimes. I have only went to market every day, I don't know also how that situation happened too. Alhamdulillah. Now I try to gain energy to start again. I have some ice tea and talbina to help the writing process.. (picture from another day)

...

I have been a bit sad too, maybe that's why I haven't found the energy. I've needed the rest. And the time to think too.

I feel like I'm losing all my friends, one by one. This seems so alarming. The reason is, I don't even know. I have just noticed that usually I am not as important to the other person than they are to me. And I feel that then on the other hand, I don't seem to deserve excuses from my flaws as I have given them, and I've tried to advice gently too. Also jealousy has been an issue. Some also have had a habit to belittle me, goes under the jealousy. Mostly these behaviors have been small, just almost noticeable, but very consistent. You have that feel that it's not ok, but it's not wrong either, and that's why you stay.

But I feel more free now, although sad. During a lifetime, some friends are closer and some are further, that's normal and it's perfectly ok. I just don't want to invest so much of my time and energy to those who take me for granted. In some cases I've also felt that it has been safe to the other party to think I'm somehow lower than them, and then didn't it when I've become more myself.

Why it must be so. I am not perfect at all and I've been also the one to choose to distance myself from these friendships, so technically it's my fault. What comes to the cases, I've thought that talking about the issues won't help. I have also talked and it hasn't helped so.. taking some time away has felt like the best option.

Of course I feel bad about it, or I just have this sadness. But it's not new to me, I have been a lot alone in my life, and at times when I have needed the most help and support, most of my closer circle have failed me. Sounds harsh and it has been. But that's the reason I'm not afraid to be alone. Now the situation is not that bad, alhamdulillah, I still have people around me who are important to me. Will this be a start of something new? Only Allah swt knows.

...

Now that I've got that off my chest, we can move on to lighter subjects. Except now I'm thinking Gaza and Sudan, and all the others.. what a time to live in, in a world where there's completely ok to start and pursue a genocide, and starving people is just not that interesting if they are in Middle East or Africa. I don't even know what to say. Launchgood is a good site to donate, and Doctors Without Borders, for example, but I don't know will the help get in. 

You can always vote with your wallet. Maybe it's true that one person's choices doesn't matter, but what masses do, does. Keep on boycotting.

...

I did want to write about the accessories trends of this fall, but it's not really important. 

I can tell quickly though that knee high boots, slouchy boots, classic heeled ankle boots will be the thing, then suede, suede hobo and shopper bags, structured top handle bags, slouchy bags.. Statement rings, with flowers. I'm kinda late with this, as I do want to kinda make more forecasts than repeat what has already been talked about, but it doesn't matter. I will probably go back to read more of these and just leave it, it doesn't feel right, there's a time and place for everything.

But yeah, as you may see, not on my best moods but everything is fine alhamdulillah. As long as we could just make this world right again.

...

So until next time then dears, have a good weekend,

Aisha