Behind the glass

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh dears. How are u?

I'm watching outside from the window. It's all yellow, red and orange, and very windy. The leaves really fall now, leaving the trees bare. Far in the sky can see a plane flying to somewhere where summer still takes place. I have my cup of tea and some pumpkin seeds, and myself.

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I know we muslims don't celebrate other holidays than the two eids, eid al Fitr and eid al Adha, but if I would, these two days occurring this weekend would be my favorites: world mental health day (yesterday) and international day of the girl child, today ♥ Alhamdulillah, even if I don't have my own, I have my two beautiful nieces to greet. And this day is for all of us, we do have that little girl inside of us still. Even though my past few days haven't been the best, I am still happy that the adult I am today would have been the best auntie to my little self. 

I would have needed her. I have just always really only had myself. But things have turned out ok. I have grown and became so calm and found inner peace. Of course in some level we will always be alone, but I do have a good companion in life now, who helps me and comforts me and wants to learn me. Like I want to learn him and his ways. It's been almost one year since we married, alhamdulillah, and with this all autumn vibe, I can easily jump into the memories from last year. 

I have also older memories from this time of year, which used to be so exciting, but have faded to a small hurt I still feel sometimes. But here you can see what's really good for you. Someone might come into your life when you are healing, and in the end drag you down that you don't have anything left. And someone else might find you struggling and helps you get up on your feet again, and builds a life together with you. Ma sha Allah. 

And in the end it's what you make of it. I'm gonna make some scrambled eggs and take my vitamins. Mistakes have been made but it doesn't define me. It's a balance between taking responsibility and practicing mercy towards yourself.

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What comes to mental health, I think I'm just maybe choosing the wrong world and that makes me miserable from time to time. I try to be on the same wave with people who have a completely different mindset and different advantages in life generally, and that's why I constantly feel like I don't belong. Of course the worlds will look different. I am different. And it doesn't mean that other would be better than other, just that not everything is compatible comparable. And being different doesn't make anyone a bad person, that we already know. I do hope we would be compatible, but that might take still time. When I think of little Elina, I wish she would be celebrated on both of these days, accepting and supporting her in her mental health challenges and also let her be confident of being a girl in her own way.

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So yeah, sometimes it's like this, a beautiful autumnal, sunshiny day but all I can do is watch it through the glass. Alhamdulillah, at least this tea tastes so good and I feel a bit better. 

I hope you'll have a good day :) next time then,

Aisha