If you listen closely

- January 09, 2026

Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah everyone :) how's your Friday been?

It has been a good day for me. I posted few packages and went to the market. It's still cold, I do enjoy the weather alhamdulillah. We ate a simple dinner and now it's like all the regular evenings, the guys are sleeping in bedroom and I'm here.. feeling a bit lonely to be honest.

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I like to write myself visible. It's kinda crazy to think that I used to be part of this poetry collective, and I made music, lyrics and poems, and performed too. Looking back now, I was way too messed up to step on that platform fully. And well, then I reverted to islam so I left it all behind, wrote maybe few songs after that and that's it. So I guess it was not meant to be, and alhamdulillah for that too.

Also I felt at a certain point that I was finally able to process and cope, and talk about my feelings and traumas, and it wasn't anymore so important to me to express all that through art. Kinda sad though. Art is one of the things that make life beautiful.

But sometimes I read my blog, the newer posts and the older ones, and I come proud of myself. I have finally found this way to, like I said, write myself visible. Leave a little mark in the world, let it be in internet and a very underground blog..

.. and still, that makes a big difference. It matters a lot to me. Even today I have been worried again about you, dear readers, who seem to come and go, sometimes for a long time. Also, past two months the number of overall reads has been 1000+, easily, so I am happy about that. :)♥

Only regret I have with my blog is that I deleted the original one with all of the posts. I think I had so good content in it. More self help tips and such.

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I am a person who is an introvert and tends to isolate. I need time in solitude to have my solace. I regulate my emotions, and relax from the daily chores. Mainly I need to revert (hehe) from the outings I need to do. Mainly it has a lot to do with anxiety, sometimes it is really difficult for me to go out, especially to places where there's a lot of people. Like a bus or a metro.

But I am also very social. I'm married to another introvert, and we can easily just enjoy each other's company without saying much. I do miss having a lot of friends though, because I would love a chit chat and talk about life, and even though I can do that with my spouse, I miss sister company.

I have had more or less friends, but I end up too often in a difficult spot. That's why I'm nowadays more careful and I keep my boundaries better. I do wish I had friends who are maybe in a similar situation in life, and same age and share similar interests. I would like to spend time doing something fun, or have a lunch, or go for a long walk. Freely. And mutually.

But I got a good and simple advice: get closer to Allah swt. ♥ That is a good advice for every situation. I have actually been a bit astray for a long time now, I find it hard to keep up with the remembrance of Allah and worldly things catch my attention more. So maybe if I give Allah swt what I am supposed to, there is a chance He will give me what I will benefit from. Allahu alam.

So it's the mountain. Tips I could give myself would be

- read Qur'an daily, for example before going to sleep

- do dhikr and istighfar throughout the day

- reflect on your imaan. When you have felt it being higher, what did you do at those times, why it could have stopped, etc.

Solitude is not bad at all. It clears my mind and makes things more simple. In sha Allah.. There's the other side of the coin where I am a bit lonely and maybe a bit bored too.. but it's also one of these learning steps. I kinda feel like I'm at the brink of something larger, so I just need to be a little bit more patient to see if the pieces will fall together.

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Gratitude is another tip. It's always good to look things from that perspective. I think it's different than thinking positively ( which is not bad at all of course). When we think positively, it might happen through those rose-colored glasses, but gratitude springs up from reality and real life experiences. And there's always something to be grateful from. And no one can take that away. Gratitude brings hope and contentment. It's the very existence of us, if we think it more. Adam's (aleyhi salam) first thing to say after he was created, was alhamdulillah. 'Al hamdu lillah' means 'all praise is due to God', and usually it's used when we are thankful of something, and anything. So yeah, as humans we have it in our very nature to be grateful to God. If we just listen closely ourselves.

I have kept a gratitude journal for some time now, sometimes more often and sometimes less. Sometimes I write more and sometimes not. It's very easy, you can just pick like 3-5 things you are grateful of today. For me, there's a lot of mentions of my husband, and Suttis too. Of January starting, of a nice day. I write about setbacks too. If a door closes, it might be that Allah swt is protecting you of something that would've happened otherwise. Or it's good for you in some other way. Your gratitude journal can look like you, I just give an example. You can write about anything you like. :)