Moved

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah.. how's your week started?

I have had an active day today, alhamdulillah. I went to gym, market, washed laundry and plates that had piled up, cooked, went for a walk and showered two times today :D alhamdulillah. I feel good and energetic, even if in the morning I was so tired and thought I'm not gonna do anything. Gym is gold <3 it just helps so much and the good feel after a workout is the best.

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My breakup was the hardest thing for me. I waited for him 1,5 years to decide if he wants to get back together. I gave him space, I told my feelings.. he was giving me little crumbs of hope and I stayed.

But now I can say.. I guess.. that I have finally shifted from that despair to a new phase. It hasn't gone so smoothly and I had a kinda disastrous dating phase too. But now I feel like I can be by myself for a while and just build my own life forward. It feels good.. it's feels relieving. I still have love for him, but I have to know not to pet a cat that will bite. I can remember him well and the good times, but also remember why things went how they did.. I was so alone with everything.

I have good memories from Jamaica, and I know there's at least one or two people who will also remember me. These were my years of traveling and getting new experiences. And I'm thankful I had the change and means to do it.

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So now I'm thinking lighter subjects.. the winter jacket, I hope it's a right size.. and taking care of myself. I was thinking to write a post about finding your own style. What do you think, should I write it?

My anxiety has also eased, alhamdulillah. I'm still so thankful to everyone who prayed for me when I needed it. I keep you in mines.

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Things can take turns, and things can really change. The most difficult is to be patient when you feel like giving up. One my friend said to me once that even if you move one millimeter in a year, it is progress. And that's true. Sometimes it be like that.. one millimeter, one minute. One day, one week.. time is the best healer. I often think I'd just like to have a montage and see how my life goes, passing winter, spring, summer, some nice (nasheed) music playing and suddenly my life will get into a happy phase where my dreams come true. But in real life it takes a lot of work. Hard work. In this life we need to earn the happiness. I don't mean that there would be anyone who doesn't deserve it. But we must fight for it and go through the rough days to get into that mindset, where one can trust Allah swt and His plan and then one day see the fruits that grow from the seeds we planted.

Because life has to go on, it won't wait anybody.

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I hope your week has started well. And if it hasn't, try to make the most out of it. If you can't, then just breathe. Help is near and it's on it's way, in sha Allah.

- Aisha