Cup of soup

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 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah dears :) how are u doing?


Today I went to the gym and my friend came to visit me after that. It was a nice day and I was so happy to have company. Laughter goes a long way :)


...


Tonight instead of tea, I have a cup of soup. Plot thickens... (sorry that was bad :D)

I am still in the dating scene and I wonder how this will ever work out. There's men to talk with, but it has been frustrating and difficult. The biggest difficulty is, how will I tell about my illness. Because they have to know. But when and how.. gosh. If my over weight doesn't scare them off, my illness will. :(


I am doing fine, and if I don't think of the dating, I have actually been happiest I have been for a long time.  Life is going easy peasy, and I'm thinking even starting to study.. finally.


But the illness.. I can't get rid of it. And I have to be honest about it. But how come it is so hard to tell about it?




...


When everyone posts about mental wellness, mental illness is something still frowned upon. Especially my illness. It's crazy how it's easier for me to write about it here than tell about it to people in real life.. It just sounds so bad. People will think someone who is all messed up, or completely catatonic, or then violent and just crazy.

I'm none of these. My life is on a good road right now. I'm committed to medication, I am dedicated to my own well-being. I am actually very calm and easy person.. maybe shy, and need to be stress free, but that's it. Am I still doomed to live alone my life? What do you think?


...


I refuse to quit, though. I want to try and be out there, and be ready to receive all my dreams, in sha Allah. There must be a nice, kind man for me to love and cherish. I guess we all would wish to accepted the way we are, and so I am too.




...


Well, anyways. Better to focus on the positive :) And that is, I am happy about myself and happy of my life. Alhamdulillah, I get to be a muslim every day. I have good friends, I am close with my mom, my home is small but cosy, I have food enough. My anxiety, or most of it, is still gone. I am free to do anything I want. So, alhamdulillah. :) 


And maybe one day... who knows. :)


- Aisha

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