Phoenix and Afiyah

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah :) How's things?

My day was blessed, alhamdulillah. I did many things. Went to a halal shop to buy some meats, spring onions and those delish biscuits which are like thin rolls and they have a filling. Yum. Then I came home and hovered the house and mopped the floors. Wiped dust, cleaned bathroom, folded laundry to closets. 

Then I had a slight migraine, went to bed and talked with a friend, then suddenly I got a dinner guest. (!) We had some coffee and a nice chat, watched some HBO, and it was really nice to spend time together. After my guest left, I talked more with my friends and ate some of those biscuits, and then I went to take a hot shower. I already went to sleep but I had this inspiration to come and write for you, dear readers, so here I am. :)

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Life can change in a one day, alhamdulillah. And it's true that things happen at a perfect time. When Allah swt decides something to happen, things will settle in such a beautiful, effortless way. I haven't been a good muslim lately and still I am so blessed. I feel so thankful and I want to do better. 

A du'aa I make often, almost in every prayer, is very simple and easy: Allahumma innii as'aluka al afwa wal afiya fid dunya wal akhira. It says it all.. Oh Allah, grant me goodness (like a bliss) and forgiveness in this life and in the afterlife. Afiya is a condition, or a mindset, where everything is fine and you are free of any worry, small or big. Worldly or spiritual.

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Yeah.. it's middle of the night and my bed is a mattress on the floor. I feel grounded, I feel peaceful. I feel good, honestly. I was so stressed and anxious but now when I have had some time for myself, I have been able to relax my brain and feel more calm again.

It's a long story, but shortly, I was one time in Spain with my ex ex and I wasn't on medication so I was really ill. It was a disaster, but while I was there I came up with a greeting, that "you can call me Phoenix". And I guess it's my superhero name even now.. I have had so many ups and downs in my life. I have been of the bottom of a pit so many times. And always I have had to invent myself again, after becoming a pile of dust. And grow and fly through the fire, just to be reborn. I feel like I'm on an overtime, I've got so many chances that now I really want to live my life like I really want to. I don't want to repeat old mistakes. I rather make then new mistakes and learn from them. 

But maybe I'm somehow so crooked already. The fires I go through will give me more strength. The worst situations have actually given me a space to reflect, be closer to Allah, and they have been the stepping stones to a better, more meaningful life.

And maybe these are just night thoughts.. but it's true I have had really tough years, and after the last break up I actually found myself. I'm still the same person but I have become more happy about myself and I accept myself. Have learned finally some self love and got out of people pleasing.

And, maybe, I'm ready to love again.

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Lastly I want to say, Palestine needs us. They don't have any safe place anymore. Egypt is strengthening its borders and israhell is attacking Rafah where 1,5 million Palestinians are trying to live. Trying to just stay alive.

I know there's not much what a regular person can do at this point, but we can pray for them and also donate to their charities and spread awareness. Don't forget. <3

Sleep well,

Aisha