Not planned but here we are

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh dears :) how's the week started?

Today I was at work, fixed one issue and went to spend some quality time with my friend. I have had some challenges lately so it was good to just be at ease in a good company, alhamdulillah. 

This Ramadan is really different.. first week I was on antibiotics, then fasted two days and became sick again.. tomorrow I start fasting again in sha Allah. It will be difficult, but needed. I'm going to wake up early in sha Allah and have a productive day and try to heal my soul..

...

Yeah, life is not easy and things will always go up and down. I hope you all are alright though. I think this is just because I have been sick, and at home so much, that I have lost myself temporarily. I need to do the things that make me feel happy, instead of worrying about laundry and dishes. And instead of the constant worrying about all kinds of things.

Sometimes I just feel that I'm so different than others.. am I really meant to live in this world?

...

I'm sorry for being so negative. I am bit of an either or -person. I try to keep my calm and stay sabr. Writing also helps. I'm happy that you read my blog, it matters a lot to me, especially days like these.

I try also to prevent myself taking steps to wrong directions. Straight road isn't the simplest when your nafs is pulling you here and there. But in my case it has a lot to do about knowing myself and keeping in mind who I really am. The difficulty is that everything and everybody changes and grows constantly, and I often feel that when I catch the vibe, I fall off again.

But I love myself now. If people I love don't love me back, it's not my fault. If I give more than I get, it is not my fault either. I want to really internalize the truth that how people treat you doesn't tell about yourself, it's a reflection of them and their ways.

That's why I want to choose wisely. And it doesn't always go like that, so I also try to fix things wisely.

...

So yes, a lot has happened in small time. I need to catch my breath and take a break. A little timeout.. even now I start to feel positive again, and much more calmer. So thank you for listening, you are so sweet :)

Better next time in sha Allah,

Aisha