For the better

 Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah everyone ☺ how's your week started?

Spain won the World Cup! There couldn't be another way. Congratulations to all of us who are on the right side of history, free Palestine.

I had some troubles these past days, but now I'm back on track, alhamdulillah. Yesterday evening I was able to go to the market and pharmacy, so I got myself some cherries for a little prize. Today I finished my painting, and hubby helped me to get it on the bedroom wall. You can see the painting process from my instagram account, @cupofteawithaisha .

If you're new here, welcome to follow my blog! :) I write about my daily life and thoughts about stuff, sometimes sharing recipes or beauty and fashion things, maybe less of those lately. I am a muslim so it will show in my writing, but you can follow from any background. This is a space for anyone who looks for support, a friend, a little talk and tea, may it be a cup filled or poured.

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It's a quiet evening. Today was a gray day, and I didn't go anywhere. Tomorrow I plan to go for a small city walk in sha Allah. Just taking small steps now. Sometimes my health might waver, and it scares me a bit. Probably scared hubs too, may Allah reward him for being who and how he is ♥ But yeah, then I have to do what it takes to be well, so I have scheduled this week to be easygoing. I also bought two bracelets second hand, it will be my treat and something to wait for these few days.

Painting did good to me. I was happy with the final look, and I think I did a good job. It's so important to do the things that makes you happy. Buy the box of cherries. Dance. Do mindfulness exercises. Pray. Pray a bit more. Hug your loved ones.

Mental health is something you don't want to lose. Sometimes this feels like an impossible battle, because it's not always about my choices in life that makes me lose it. Sometimes I don't even know why I feel worse than yesterday. It's not in my own hands, and often people fail to understand that. Yes, I can go for a walk. Yes, I sleep well and eat well. I take care of myself and always strive to move forward. But even though I consider myself high functional, I sometimes am not. It's part of it. This is not a race to win. It's a lifetime and a reality, and it's often a bit more bumpy road to walk. And I feel like I have talked about this a lot, and I know that still I can't write the stigma away. 

Everyone wants to be seen and understood. Accepted and loved. People who struggle with their mental health have a lot to carry on their shoulders. We might not always be able to even understand ourselves, let alone translating all the brr and buzz in the mind to a cohesive explanation. So be kind to each other. 

What I want to say to my younger, dear readers, is, that it usually does get better with age though. You slowly learn to accept yourself more, and understand yourself and the illness more. But it takes some amount of work you have to do. Mainly focusing on your life skills, how you take care of yourself and your home, your bills and finances, and then of course how you regulate your emotions, and maybe quit using drugs and such things. Asking help is not a sign of weakness. But learn also to see who will be there for you. They might not be many. Maybe you're not religious, but I have found that whenever I really need help and turn to God, He answers me in a beautiful way. Or gives me strength to go on, just for another day.

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I know I might write about similar things, and I don't know if it's reassuring or boring, but I feel like I must write it down. It's a story, and in the end it's actually the same day I'm always writing about. It's about today, how's things, what you've been up to. This is my little legacy, to leave for strangers to look into, and maybe pause for reading a post or two. I also have to write for myself, because this is the best therapy for me. I highly recommend writing your thoughts and your own story down. 

Sometimes I will write my wrinkles to be smooth again. Word by word I take the ownership of my life back, from anxiety which tries eagerly to claim it to itself. I tell you a little too much, but still it's just the half of me. I want to say the things people are afraid to say. It's always been me who has the courage to do something brave when it's needed. And then there are the days I can't do anything. It's a battle, it's my own war I go through daily. But one has to show up. And I do, most days. 

So don't let anyone take your worst days and hold it against you. Rather take your own, regular days, and keep them in mind that usually things are kinda ok. Remind yourself about the things you believe in. Have an anchor, and a staff.

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I'm so happy to see you guys reading from so many different countries lately. I hope you all are doing fine and well ♥ I will be better too in sha Allah. Just gotta take it easy now. After this, I will get ready for maghrib prayer, and then curl up in the sofa corner. Take care,

Aisha